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Monday, July 31, 2017

Review: The Unbelievable Gwenpool #10

This issue opens up with an old couple trying to decide what to eat for lunch. DQ I mean if they have a DQ in that area they should definitely go eat ther- oh look Gwenpool is here to save her friends. Um Gwenpool I highly doubt threatening to eat them will make them hand your friends over in fact I think it'll just make things worse. See told you. Dammit cyborg superman is back... Gwenpool why are you aiming your weapons at the old people who opened this issue up? We finally see cyborg superman do something good. I'm sure any guy who says real men wear pink would be happy to see the next page with all of Gwenpools poole boys wearing her colors. Anyways shit hits the fan some more but luckily Gwenpool saves all her friends who then leave her at the end of the issue. No I'm not crying I'm just chopping an onion while writing this part :'(. Artwork was great. The story was funny and action packed at the same time so I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. Captain Hydra would be very happy to know that Batroc freelances for Hydra.

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Saturday, July 29, 2017

Review: Spider-Man/Deadpool #3

This issue opens up with Peter Parker in a hospital checking on Mysterio. Oh cool it's Dr. Deadpool :). Shit I need to do something that'll get me in the hospital so I can see Dr. Deadpool. Good thing Spider-Man came in before Deadpool could try and kill Peter Parker or else Deadpool would've found out his secret. Anyways next Spider-Man and Deadpool hang out. By hang out I mean Spider-Man puts some sort of spider tracker on him that is also a lie detector that zaps you if you lie. Um what happenes if they continue to lie and it just keeps zapping them? Would it short out or kill them eventually? I'm thinking if he hasn't already that Spider-Man might want to fine tune that thing so it won't kill someone who doesn't know when to stop lying. We get a few pages of Spider-Man and Deadpool fighting bad guys with his mercs for money before Spider-Man and Deadpool fight Styx And Stone. To see how the fight ends go buy and read this issue. This issue ends with a very cute moment. Artwork was great. The story was funny, action packed and added a cute moment in at the end so I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. Deadpool is a very cool parent.

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www.dirkmanning.com
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www.newcomicday.net
www.amberunmasked.com
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Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Review: All-new Wolverine #9

This issue opens up where the last issue ended with shit still hitting the fan cause they clearly don't watch movies to know that opening an antique box would cause shit to hit the fan. Hopefully they learn from this experience which I highly doubt they will. Next we see Iron Man shoot a mini missle at Fin Fang Foom which did jack shit. Good thing Director Hill got him to stop before he could do anymore stupid stuff. Dammit Captain Marvel there are people in there so stop your shit. Also I really hate Captain Marvel. Later on we see Laura go down into Fin Fang Fooms belly where she meets up with Old Man Logan who is being eaten by stomach acid. Anyways outside shit is still hitting the fan as the hellicarier goes into the water. When did Gabby learn to use a jetpack? No Gabby you should definitely not be a fan of fuck face Captain Marvel. But the drunk guy in an iron suit is who you should definitely be a fan of. How is she a pro with that jetpack? I mean she just saved Laura and Old Man Logan before they got eaten again. We see Laura put the pheromones all over her clothes so she can use a jetpack and drive Fin Fang Foom away from civilization. Also that reference to when other monsters have been attracted to her makes me wonder if she counts her fans as monsters given something this issue mentions but does not show. Next we get to see Laura tell Gabby how she had to give all her clothes to Fin Fang Foom which makes me ask how'd you do that in midair? Like yes I know fuck face was with her but still. Did she take off the jetpack and take of her clothes really fast as she fell cause I highly doubt she's that talented. And if Captain Marvel helped her then fuck face would have the pheromones on her wich would be great if it would just eat her afterwards but I highly doubt that one happened to do how'd she do it? Also I'm sure some horny lonely nerds are probably pissed off that they didn't get to see her jetpack naked so that they cou- I'll cut myself off before I get myself in trouble. This issue ends with Old Man Logan saying something very shocking. Artwork was great. The story was mainly shit hitting the fan so I think this issue gets a 7 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. Laura is very talented at taking all her clothes off while using a jetpack. Still would like to know how she did it just so it all makes sense but hey at least she can do something that just doesn't work in the situation she was in.

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Monday, July 24, 2017

Review: The Unbelievable Gwenpool #9

This issue opens up with us getting cyborg supermans back story. Wait he's actually a Doombot? Dam Squirrel Girl is hella old. Also before Skynet there was Dr. Doom and instead of John Connor there was Squirrel Girl. Hey John Connor seems like Squirrel Girl did a better job then you ever did. Someone tell her to stop Skynet before that fucker brings about the end of the world. Well that doesn't surprise me that the old dude became evil just because there were different people in the world. I mean most the ones now a days want the gays dead. We get back to the present where we see Gwenpool making a phone call while in the middle of a battle. Um shouldn't there be a rule for not being on your phone while fighting no matter how good you are at it. Well that didn't surprise me that her other plan didn't work like she thought it would. Miles was probably busy watching the Hulk get shot in the head at that point in time. That one police officer made me laugh. Like do you not see cyborg superman destroying the city right now or is Gwenpool so important that you don't give a shit if everyone else does or not? How you gonna arrest her if you two and cyborg superman are the only ones left huh? I really hope she doesn't come back in another issue. If she does she'd probably just lose the rest of her brain cells and let the world end even if she knew she could stop that from happening. After Gwenpool escapes we see her go back to her base where she meets a bunch of guys. Artwork was good. The story was mainly cyborg supermans backstory so I give this issue a 8 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue Officer Gray is horrible at her job and needs to be fired.

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Saturday, July 22, 2017

Review: Uncanny X-Men #3

This issue opens up with Magneto and Psylocke at the M-pox crisis center where they run into another healer. I have a feeling this guy is gonna die. I mean heck the other healers all died so it's only time before he bites the bullet to. Yo why is Hurricane named Hurricane and not storm? I mean he controls the weather to do why didn't he take that name? Was it already taken by the time he got his powers. Dam Magneto would not be fun to go up against. Next we see Monet talk to another healer with a cool mask. I mean I think it is. Later we see Magneto and the others on Genosha. Well something bad is gonna happen in the next issue cause that have one of Doctor Octopuses oto bots or whatever on their ship. This issue ends with someone getting shot and some guy talking to mystique who isn't naked like she is in the movies. Guess she finally found clothes that she really likes. Artwork was good. The story was OK so I'll give this issue a 7 out of 10.

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Thursday, July 20, 2017

Review: Weapon X #1

This issue opens up with Old Man Logan enjoying nature. I wonder if they're gonna kill him off and have his death bring the other Logan back or of they'll just make him get younger somehow for marvel legacy. I mean heck if they can bring the old Hulk back from the dead instead of actually keeping him dead then I'm sure they'll find a way to bring the other Logan back. Anyways some hikers come and ask for directions before they turn into terminators with claws and attack Old Man Logan. Note to self never give hikers directions cause chances are they'll be terminators with claws. Next we get to see a naked chick in a glass tank full of water. Note to self avoid tall glass tanks of water even if there is a hot naked chick in one cause chances are scientist will be there and will put you in one to. Next we see some old man getting mad just because Old Man Logan has been on a computer to long... Um dude there were a ton of empty ones all around so why was his so important? I guess just so they could have the panel where the old man freaks out about him reading stuff about mutants. Would you rather him read erotic fiction? Watch porn? Look at porn? Are you saying any of those would be more acceptable than him reading about mutants? Next we get to see Sabertooth and Old Man Logan fight for a bit. This issue ends with Old Man Logan going in Sabertooths cabin, eating his food while he lets a terminator with claws attack them both. Artwork was good. The story was good but hasn't really caught my interest much even though there was a hot naked chick in a tall glass tank full of water. Thus I give this issue a 8 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. Don't give directions to hikers and don't trust little kids cause chances are they'll be terminators with claws.

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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Review: Ben Reilly: The Scarlet Spider

This issue opens up with The Scarlet Spider on the statue of liberty talking to one of his imaginary selvs. What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On? Like what kinda comicbook is this gonna be? Funny, scary, villain gone good, or superhero? Like pick one and stick with it. Next we see him stop a chick from being robbed. If the voices in his head that he talks to weren't enough to prove that he's crazy then him asking the robber to have something more threatening then a knife definitely proves he's crazy. Instead of Uncle Ben being shot we see the robber get shot. I find it funny how the woman he saves has red hair and that her name is Mandy. Let me guess Ben Reilly and Mandy are gonna get together in a future issue, then later on they'll get married and after that they'll sell their marriage to the devil. I sure hope that's what happens. Later on we see Kaine dress like the jackel just to get information from one of the people who used to work for him... Um isn't Kaine supposed to be a superhero like Spider-Man? Anyways next we see Ben Reilly go to a casino where he meets an old lady named June who loves to gamble so much that her husband came looking for her then decided to fuck off when Ben Reilly said he was her nephew. Um dude you've been married to this woman for years so why'd you bail when he said he was her nephew even though you clearly knew he wasn't. Also why does Ben Reilly want June to be an aunt. Seems like sometimes he's trying to be Deadpool and other times he's trying to be like Peter Parker. Just fucking decide even though you're nither one. Do armed men normally rob casinos in las vegas? If so couldn't they just break the machines somehow and get all the money from those machines that clearly have money in them? Anyways shit hits the fan. Aunt June tells people to shut up and this issue ends with Ben Reilly getting a gun in the face. Artwork was ok. The story was hella confusing so I give this issue a 7 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. If you walk into a casino and see an old lady gambling while her husband tells at her just go up and tell him that you're her nephew and he'll gladly fuck off.

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Monday, July 17, 2017

Review: Spider-Man/Deadpool #2

This issue opens up with Peter Parker spilling go get em juice all over himself... Wait is that really the name of this smart drink/juice or whatever the fuck it is? Or did the dumb Mary Jane of earth 616 make a drink which I highly doubt since she's a dumb broad. Or are they just making fun of her stupid catchphrase? Either way I'm glad that shit does not exist in the real world cause I'd never buy that shit. Dude Peter why is a little girl in your office and are you letting her talk to you like that? Later on we see Deadpool in bed with his wife. Just to be clear it is not a sex scene or I'd skip over it. Anyways we see him looking at a laptop while talking to his wife about Peter Parker and why he does but also doesn't want to kill him. I'm gonna have to ask my friend if he's up to date with current Deadpool and ask him if Deadpool still breaks the forth wall or not anymore cause it sure seems like he doesn't or else I'm sure he'd know that Spider-Man is Peter Parker by now unless the One More Day storyline made it so that even being able to break the fourth wall and all Deadpool would still never figure it out. Oh look it's Spider-Lad talking to The Amazing Spider-Man as he swings through the city... Um why the fuck is he wishpering? I mean I know why Deadpools wife did it but why does Spider-Lad need to do it? Dammit I missed free hugs with Deadpool day. Also Spider-Lad he was just hugging people no need to call The Amazing Spider-Man unless all three of you guys were gonna hug people. Anyways Deadpool and The Amazing Spider-Man talk before an army of goblins attack. Dammit they weren't real. I wanted it to be real so that I could see The Amazing Spider-Man, Spider-Lad and Deadpool all fight an army of goblins. Guess I'll have to read Superior Spider-Man to see that fight. Which by the way I really think they should bring Superior Spider-Man back. Next we find out who's responsible for making all of New York freak out. Note to self don't let Deadpool drive anything cause he will hit people. This issue ends with Deadpool calling his client Patient Zero. Artwork was great. The story was really good so I'll give this issue a 10 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue but did not really need to know. Where Deadpools grapes are.

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Sunday, July 16, 2017

Review: All-new Wolverine #8

This issue opens up with a weapons deal going down on a boat in the middle of the ocean. I have a feeling that shit is gonna hit the fan... Actually no I know that shit will hit the fan. Never go out on the ocean or into space cause that's when shit tends to hit the fan the most. No I'm being serious go watch action movies that involve people in space or on a boat in the middle of the ocean. See told you shit would hit the fan. That lady just opened that box which caused shit to hit the fan. Note to self avoid antique boxes cause chances are if you open one up shit will hit the fan. Next we see Laura and Gabby walking their pet wolverine. Is Jonathan gonna be a recurring thing or is he gonna end up like Spider-Mans spider-mobile? What the hell is twenty-five with chicken. Later on we get to see Director Hill overuse her power and answer Lauras phone and also turn her speaker on. So she's totally fired right? Right? Seriously what the hell is twenty-five with chicken? I want some dammit! Anyways we find out that Director Hill recovered the antique box from the beginning of this issue. Um why are you guys opening it? Seriously guys don't. Oh great now look what you idiots did. To see what the idiots did go buy and read this issue. Artwork was good. As for the story good but it also made me crave twenty-five with chicken so I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Things I want to learn from this issue is what in the fuck is twenty-five with chicken!?

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Saturday, July 15, 2017

Review: The Unbelievable Gwenpool #8

This issue opens up where the last issue left off with the cops and aliens pointing guns at Gwenpool. That scene with the train was funny. Note to self don't live in the marvel universe cause trains won't stop when they see aliens and cops pointing guns at people. Next we see Gwenpool jump onto the moving train. Note to self don't try that unless you want to hurt your arms like Gwenpool did. Later on we get to see what Sarah looks like without the terrible eye on. No I won't say if she's cute or ugly. You'll just have to read this issue for yourself to find out. I have to say the whole scene where Gwenpool explains her plan to the team was pretty cool. This issue ends with cyborg superman being shot in the face by Gwenpool. Artwork was great. The story was funny so I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Hey Gwenpool just get some green stuff and throw it at cyborg superman. He has the same weakness as that lame superhero right? Things I learned from this issue. To avoid old people named Vin cause chances are they're cyborg superman.

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Saturday, July 8, 2017

Review: Spider-Man/Deadpool #1

This issue opens up with Spider-Man and Deadpool webbed up together while in hell. Wait is this a sign that this will be one hell of a series? I'm guessing everything turns Deadpool on cause that's definitely what it seems like. Dude what the heck are those things? Go read the issue to see what I'm talking about. Note to self don't get webbed up with Deadpool unless you're kinky and want to do kinky stuff with him. Anyways Spider-Man and Deadpool finally get free and give us a flashback... No fighting first really? Just a flashback. In this flashback we see Spider-Man fighting water. Dam water cools people and keeps them hydrated! I think I'm gonna go fight a bottle of water. We go back to hell where we see Deadpool and Spider-Man fighting whatever those things are... Um why does Deadpool have pockets full of brains. Oh that's why. After Spider-Man and Deadpool get out of hell we see them fight water. Well my fight with the bottle of water went well I drank all the water in it. This issue ends with Deadpool saying he's gonna kill p- Artwork was awesome. The story was funny and weird but hella good so I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. Avoid Spider-Man and Deadpool unless you want to go through some weird shit and have a weird day. Also you'd probably end up in hell hanging with them.

Sites to check out:
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Friday, July 7, 2017

Review: All-new Wolverine #7

This issue opens up with a flashback to the last time Laura saw Logan... I mean at least that's what I think. If I'm wrong please let me know. Anyways we go to the present where Laura gets woken up by Squirrel Girl and Jonathan the wolverine. Aww Gabby has a pet... Wait would wolverines even be good pets? Wait how do the squirrels know that it was Laura who caused men to go after their father and their home to be destroyed? Seriously how?? Anyways the next few pages are of Wolverine looking for the squirrel. That scene with the father and son. Dammit son what'd I tell you about bringing animals into our apartment. Good thing you didn't have a cat in here or Black Cat probably would have came and robbed us. This issue ends on a sweet moment. Artwork was great. The story was funny and good at the same time. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I feel bad for the squirrel that didn't get it's nut back from wolverine. Things I learned from this issue. Don't bring a squirrel into your house unless you want Wolverine and Squirrel Girl to come into your house.

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Sunday, July 2, 2017

Review: Outcast #7

This issue opens up with the reverend putting bandages on the mark carved into his skin. Well that's what you get for smoking and gambling. Note to self don't gamble also try to quit vaping. Later on we see Megan have coffee and chat with Kyle's ex wife. Wait Allison you really like when Kyle calls you and says nothing? Is everyone in this series werid? Oh that's funny. Kyle just visited the kid who was so hungry that he ate his own finger in the first issue. I'm still surprised that the parents let him go up that after he pretty much beat a demon out of their son. If he starts acting like he's possed again just beat the demon out of him again. Yes we promise that we won't press any charges. Some other stuff goes down which you'll have to buy and read this issue to see what went down and how this issue ended. Artwork was great. Story still has a good pace. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Finally the reverend admits that he's a failure and can't preform an exorcism for shit. Though I wouldn't really trust Kyle ethier unless he promised that he wouldn't beat the shit out of my kid cause hell yeah I'd press charges even if he did get the demon out.

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