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Monday, November 13, 2017

Review: Uncanny X-Men #5

This issue opens up with Monet escaping from the pyramid that they got trapped in in the last issue. We go back to Genosha where we see Magneto protecti- um he doesn't protect people very often cause it looks like the healer just got stabbed and is having his brain fucked with by a psychic. I mean at least he killed the psychic before he could kill the healer. I'm sure I've noted this before but I feel like making a note of it again. Not to self don't ever fuck with Magneto. I repeat don't ever fuck with Magneto. Hey look the rest of the team got there before anymore shit could hit the fan. Also don't fuck with the Uncanny X-Men cause they'll also fuck you up. Well that was an explosive first half of an issue :). Magik is very pretty. Also how come she can't get her own solo series. I've said it before and I'll say it again I'd read her series if she got her own solo series. This issue ends with Magneto paying a visit to Fantomex and Mystique. Artwork was pretty good. The story was explosive and action packed so I give this issue a 10 out of 10.

Things I want to learn from this issue. Where are the savage lands in the marvel comics? Things I learned from this issue. If you ask Magneto for protection bring body armor cause chances are that if you don't you'll be stabbed and have your mind fucked with by a psychic.

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Sunday, October 8, 2017

Review: Ben Reilly: The Scarlet Spider #2

This issue opens up with Cassandra pointing a gun at Ben. Does she not know he has powers or is she thinking she'll be able to pull the trigger fast enough before he can dodge it. Just swap brains with him and kill the new body that his brains in. I'm sure that'll stop him. Anyways next we see the other clone torture Rita by talking fear into her and not actually harming her. Note to self don't fuck with this guy cause he'll make you think he's actually going to hurt you or kill you but then not do it. We go back to Ben where we see him and Cassandra go up to her sick daughters room. Um Cassandra you realize that he was facing your daughter when you had the gun pointed at his head which means if you'd blown his brains out it would've all landed in her and then she'd be hella traumatized. Also guess Ben got lucky cause if she hadn't woken up his brains would've been all over her. Ben I'm betting if the guy is bullet proof that your hands aren't gonna do shit to him. This issue ends in gunfire. Artwork was still not good. The story is still odd so I give this issue a 6 out of 10. I'm guessing in future issues Aunt June will be worried sick about Ben and be patching him up when he's hurt.

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Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Review: Spider-Man/Deadpool #4

This issue opens up with Spider-Man asking Deadpool if he wants to hang out. I feel like them hanging out would probably be really interesting. Anyways later on we get to see Peter Parker talk to a little child that probably shouldn't be at his work. We get to see Spider-Man and Deadpool hang out at a club. Dam what do I have to do to be friends with Deadpool so I can go on double dates with him and meet some hot chicks. Dam Peter and his date really like each other. I hope they end up together so that him and Mary Jane can never get back together. I mean don't get me wrong I like other versions of him and Mary Jane to be together like the other two who fight crime with their daughter. Is it wrong that I want to date both their dates? Like I'm sure being with Lady Thor would be shockingly good :)  ;). Oh hell yes cat fight. Darn it I wanted to see them get mud all over their bodies. Well that's a surprising fact about Spider-Man that I definitely did not know. This issue ends with Deadpool killing Spider-Man. Give it a few issues he'll be back trust me. Story was funny and good. Artwork was pretty good so I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Well at least the other Spider-Man won't have anymore competition to deal with.

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Monday, September 25, 2017

Review: The Unbelievable Gwenpool #11

This issue opens up with Gwenpool saving a spoiled rich brat from dying in a plane crash. Oh come on I'm sure he could've survived without her help like most rich white dudes do in comics. Heck I'm sure they could've made a new comic series out of it to. Later on we see Gwenpool find a job to kill a vampire. Um Ronnie if you think she has a death wish then Ya she does which means it's her cry for help and that you should definitely help her before she does something stupid and ends her series. That train conversation was funny :). We see Gwenpool go to a town called Doodkill. What kind of name is Doodkill? Anyways the mayor of the town tells Gwenpool only to kill the vampire and nothing else. Gwenpool he just admitted that there's more monsters so you probably can't trust this guy. See look at all those dead people going into his place. Next we see Gwenpool learn the truth about all the dead people. Why'd he have to bring them back does he not like live peo- oh um... Never mind. Oh look it's Blade... Wait does that mean there's gonna be a movie where Gwenpool and Blade actually team up to kill vampires? I'd pay to see that. Like no joke. To see what happens next go buy and read this issue. Anyways this issue ends with Gwenpool finding out the mayors dirty secret. No not that one. The one where he takes peoples lives to keep all the dead people up and walking. Artwork was pretty good. As for the story sad cause she's sad but also. Funny and good so I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Hope she's happy in the next issue.

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Sunday, September 3, 2017

Review: Edge Of Venomverse #1

This issue opens up with Laura eating fries while going down on an elevator. No this isn't the Laura from earth-616 at least I think she's not since she just bonded with a symbiote and became the venom of her world. Next we see a bunch of homeless kids in an abandoned building where they come face to face with Laura. Note to self avoid abandoned buildings unless you want to meet dangerous people. Anyways Laura lets the kids leave but then they run into some guy name Zebra... Why is his name Zebra? That's the least threatening name for a threatening guy. See Laura didn't find his name threatening cause she just took him and his partner out. Also was she following them so she could eat them all one by one later? Cause if she was following them I highly doubt it was to protect them till they got attacked. Also they say seeing other people gets hurt makes them sick yet they were wanting to eat them earlier wich would have hurt and killed them so what the fuck? We see that she joins them and helps them steal ice cream with Spider-Man on the box. I take it the Peter Parker of this earth got bit by the spider and thought instead of fighting crime I'll just make ice cream that looks like a spiders web and make billions off it. Later on we see the kids attacked by guards who are trying to capture Laura. I'd say how'd all these kids not commitea crime since they had some of the symbiote on them but they did just steal ice cream that the Spider-Man of their earth made so ya. This issue ends with Laura getting pulled somewhere and meeting a venomized Captain America. Artwork was not that good as for the story it was weird but good so I give this issue a 6 out of 10. I'm fine with Captain America being venomized cause that means he's not hydra wich means the venomized Captain America is way better than Captain Hydra.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Review: All-new Wolverine #10

This issue opens up with Ulysses having a vision about Laura, Old Man Logan and lots of blood. Hey from the little bit I saw he might be sacrificing alot of animals for something. Also great Captain Fuck Face is in this issue and so is the racist guy who see ls the future. Next we see Old Man Logan wake up to whale sounds. For a minute there I thought my friends ex girlfriend would be in this issue. Yes she is a whale. Anyways later on some robbers break into Lauras apartment which causes all three of our Hero's to laugh. Man those guys are brave. Heck if I was them I would have backed out slowly once they started laughing. You jerks why'd you have to shoot Jonathan? Dam Gabby is badass. Note to self don't shoot Gabby's pet. Well those guys will probably feel stupid once they wake up. Also note to self don't try to rob Laura unless you want your ass handed to you. I'm Old Man Logan she's not from your future which means she won't do what your Gabby did in the future you came from. This issue ends with Captain Hydra and his men swarming Laura's apartment. Artwork was weird. The story was a psa for people thinking about robbing Laura's apartment. So I give this issue a 6 out of 10. I really hate Captain Hydra.

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Thursday, August 3, 2017

Review: Scooby Apocalypse #2

This issue opens up with our main characters getting out of the safe zone. Later on we see Doctor Dinkley get attacked by one of her coworkers who is now a giant monster. Note to self don't work for top secret governments or scientist unless you want to turned into a giant monster that eats people then go ahead. Wait why are they all in a monitor room and not the fuck out of that shit hole? I think I've lost brain cells just by them being idiots and not getting the hell out of there. Finally they got some weapons and are moving. Wait if Daphnes family is so rich from bubble bath products then why doesn't she just stay in the family business instead of trying to make a TV show. Like hell if I invented stuff that people can use to have a bubble bath then you bet your but I'd stay in that business. Next we almost see Shaggy have a pda moment with his work crush who is also a monster. Um Daphne you just killed a human. I mean sure she looked like a monster and wanted to eat Shaggy but she was still a human. Oh great Daphne now her kids don't have a mom anymore. Does that make you happy? If so you are a sick sick woman. Anyways next we see them all crawling around in the vents trying to get to the garage. I'm surprised none of them feel like a tv dinner while crawling around in the vents. Finally they get to the garage and find a vehicle that some scientist was making that he calls his mystery machine. I'm guessing at some point there will be a dead flower along with a skull on both sides to fit the universe they're in. To see what happens next go buy and read this issue. Artwork was great. As for the story it was slow and made me lose a few brain cells so I give this issue a 7 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. You could make a drinking game out of all the times that Norville tells someone to call him Shaggy. Shit gotta get some acohal and take a shot.

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