Review: Ben Reilly: The Scarlet Spider #1

This issue opens up with The Scarlet Spider on the statue of liberty talking to one of his imaginary selvs. What. The. Fuck. Is. Going. On? Like what kinda comicbook is this gonna be? Funny, scary, villain gone good, or superhero? Like pick one and stick with it. Next we see him stop a chick from being robbed. If the voices in his head that he talks to weren't enough to prove that he's crazy then him asking the robber to have something more threatening then a knife definitely proves he's crazy. Instead of Uncle Ben being shot we see the robber get shot. I find it funny how the woman he saves has red hair and that her name is Mandy. Let me guess Ben Reilly and Mandy are gonna get together in a future issue, then later on they'll get married and after that they'll sell their marriage to the devil. I sure hope that's what happens. Later on we see Kaine dress like the jackel just to get information from one of the people who used to work for him... Um isn't Kaine supposed to be a superhero like Spider-Man? Anyways next we see Ben Reilly go to a casino where he meets an old lady named June who loves to gamble so much that her husband came looking for her then decided to fuck off when Ben Reilly said he was her nephew. Um dude you've been married to this woman for years so why'd you bail when he said he was her nephew even though you clearly knew he wasn't. Also why does Ben Reilly want June to be an aunt. Seems like sometimes he's trying to be Deadpool and other times he's trying to be like Peter Parker. Just fucking decide even though you're nither one. Do armed men normally rob casinos in las vegas? If so couldn't they just break the machines somehow and get all the money from those machines that clearly have money in them? Anyways shit hits the fan. Aunt June tells people to shut up and this issue ends with Ben Reilly getting a gun in the face. Artwork was ok. The story was hella confusing so I give this issue a 7 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. If you walk into a casino and see an old lady gambling while her husband tells at her just go up and tell him that you're her nephew and he'll gladly fuck off.

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Review: Spider-Man/Deadpool #2

This issue opens up with Peter Parker spilling go get em juice all over himself... Wait is that really the name of this smart drink/juice or whatever the fuck it is? Or did the dumb Mary Jane of earth 616 make a drink which I highly doubt since she's a dumb broad. Or are they just making fun of her stupid catchphrase? Either way I'm glad that shit does not exist in the real world cause I'd never buy that shit. Dude Peter why is a little girl in your office and are you letting her talk to you like that? Later on we see Deadpool in bed with his wife. Just to be clear it is not a sex scene or I'd skip over it. Anyways we see him looking at a laptop while talking to his wife about Peter Parker and why he does but also doesn't want to kill him. I'm gonna have to ask my friend if he's up to date with current Deadpool and ask him if Deadpool still breaks the forth wall or not anymore cause it sure seems like he doesn't or else I'm sure he'd know that Spider-Man is Peter Parker by now unless the One More Day storyline made it so that even being able to break the fourth wall and all Deadpool would still never figure it out. Oh look it's Spider-Lad talking to The Amazing Spider-Man as he swings through the city... Um why the fuck is he wishpering? I mean I know why Deadpools wife did it but why does Spider-Lad need to do it? Dammit I missed free hugs with Deadpool day. Also Spider-Lad he was just hugging people no need to call The Amazing Spider-Man unless all three of you guys were gonna hug people. Anyways Deadpool and The Amazing Spider-Man talk before an army of goblins attack. Dammit they weren't real. I wanted it to be real so that I could see The Amazing Spider-Man, Spider-Lad and Deadpool all fight an army of goblins. Guess I'll have to read Superior Spider-Man to see that fight. Which by the way I really think they should bring Superior Spider-Man back. Next we find out who's responsible for making all of New York freak out. Note to self don't let Deadpool drive anything cause he will hit people. This issue ends with Deadpool calling his client Patient Zero. Artwork was great. The story was really good so I'll give this issue a 10 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue but did not really need to know. Where Deadpools grapes are.

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Review: All-new Wolverine #8

This issue opens up with a weapons deal going down on a boat in the middle of the ocean. I have a feeling that shit is gonna hit the fan... Actually no I know that shit will hit the fan. Never go out on the ocean or into space cause that's when shit tends to hit the fan the most. No I'm being serious go watch action movies that involve people in space or on a boat in the middle of the ocean. See told you shit would hit the fan. That lady just opened that box which caused shit to hit the fan. Note to self avoid antique boxes cause chances are if you open one up shit will hit the fan. Next we see Laura and Gabby walking their pet wolverine. Is Jonathan gonna be a recurring thing or is he gonna end up like Spider-Mans spider-mobile? What the hell is twenty-five with chicken. Later on we get to see Director Hill overuse her power and answer Lauras phone and also turn her speaker on. So she's totally fired right? Right? Seriously what the hell is twenty-five with chicken? I want some dammit! Anyways we find out that Director Hill recovered the antique box from the beginning of this issue. Um why are you guys opening it? Seriously guys don't. Oh great now look what you idiots did. To see what the idiots did go buy and read this issue. Artwork was good. As for the story good but it also made me crave twenty-five with chicken so I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Things I want to learn from this issue is what in the fuck is twenty-five with chicken!?

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Review: The Unbelievable Gwenpool #8

This issue opens up where the last issue left off with the cops and aliens pointing guns at Gwenpool. That scene with the train was funny. Note to self don't live in the marvel universe cause trains won't stop when they see aliens and cops pointing guns at people. Next we see Gwenpool jump onto the moving train. Note to self don't try that unless you want to hurt your arms like Gwenpool did. Later on we get to see what Sarah looks like without the terrible eye on. No I won't say if she's cute or ugly. You'll just have to read this issue for yourself to find out. I have to say the whole scene where Gwenpool explains her plan to the team was pretty cool. This issue ends with cyborg superman being shot in the face by Gwenpool. Artwork was great. The story was funny so I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Hey Gwenpool just get some green stuff and throw it at cyborg superman. He has the same weakness as that lame superhero right? Things I learned from this issue. To avoid old people named Vin cause chances are they're cyborg superman.

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Review: Spider-Man/Deadpool #1

This issue opens up with Spider-Man and Deadpool webbed up together while in hell. Wait is this a sign that this will be one hell of a series? I'm guessing everything turns Deadpool on cause that's definitely what it seems like. Dude what the heck are those things? Go read the issue to see what I'm talking about. Note to self don't get webbed up with Deadpool unless you're kinky and want to do kinky stuff with him. Anyways Spider-Man and Deadpool finally get free and give us a flashback... No fighting first really? Just a flashback. In this flashback we see Spider-Man fighting water. Dam water cools people and keeps them hydrated! I think I'm gonna go fight a bottle of water. We go back to hell where we see Deadpool and Spider-Man fighting whatever those things are... Um why does Deadpool have pockets full of brains. Oh that's why. After Spider-Man and Deadpool get out of hell we see them fight water. Well my fight with the bottle of water went well I drank all the water in it. This issue ends with Deadpool saying he's gonna kill p- Artwork was awesome. The story was funny and weird but hella good so I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Things I learned from this issue. Avoid Spider-Man and Deadpool unless you want to go through some weird shit and have a weird day. Also you'd probably end up in hell hanging with them.

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Review: All-new Wolverine #7

This issue opens up with a flashback to the last time Laura saw Logan... I mean at least that's what I think. If I'm wrong please let me know. Anyways we go to the present where Laura gets woken up by Squirrel Girl and Jonathan the wolverine. Aww Gabby has a pet... Wait would wolverines even be good pets? Wait how do the squirrels know that it was Laura who caused men to go after their father and their home to be destroyed? Seriously how?? Anyways the next few pages are of Wolverine looking for the squirrel. That scene with the father and son. Dammit son what'd I tell you about bringing animals into our apartment. Good thing you didn't have a cat in here or Black Cat probably would have came and robbed us. This issue ends on a sweet moment. Artwork was great. The story was funny and good at the same time. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I feel bad for the squirrel that didn't get it's nut back from wolverine. Things I learned from this issue. Don't bring a squirrel into your house unless you want Wolverine and Squirrel Girl to come into your house.

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Review: Outcast #7

This issue opens up with the reverend putting bandages on the mark carved into his skin. Well that's what you get for smoking and gambling. Note to self don't gamble also try to quit vaping. Later on we see Megan have coffee and chat with Kyle's ex wife. Wait Allison you really like when Kyle calls you and says nothing? Is everyone in this series werid? Oh that's funny. Kyle just visited the kid who was so hungry that he ate his own finger in the first issue. I'm still surprised that the parents let him go up that after he pretty much beat a demon out of their son. If he starts acting like he's possed again just beat the demon out of him again. Yes we promise that we won't press any charges. Some other stuff goes down which you'll have to buy and read this issue to see what went down and how this issue ended. Artwork was great. Story still has a good pace. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Finally the reverend admits that he's a failure and can't preform an exorcism for shit. Though I wouldn't really trust Kyle ethier unless he promised that he wouldn't beat the shit out of my kid cause hell yeah I'd press charges even if he did get the demon out.

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