Review: Star Wars #3

This issue opens up with slaves getting shot at and Luke riding a speedster and shooting clones. It seems like he sucks at using a lightsaber but is really good at shooting things. Next we see Chewie save Threepido from the aliens. Every time I read the name chewie it makes me want a chewie oatmeal bar. Next vader takes down the walker. Jeez he's badass. Kinda sucks that he has to die. Luke ends up blowing up the factory. Ok he's good at shooting things and blowing things up sadly that won't help him with vader. This issue ends with Luke saying they all should have died and that he'll never be the jedi his father was. Well no duh. Your dad is vader he's evil and badass which you'll never be so ya you'll never be like him. Artwork was pretty good. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Remember if you suck at using a lightsaber but are good at shooting and blowing things up just stick to that.

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Review: Wytches #3

This issue opens up with Sailor and her parents playing in those tube type things that kids play in at McDonalds and other places. Anyways he lights a match which helps him find them... um that's cheating plus I'm sure that's a fire hazard just saying. Next we see Sailors parents out in the woods yelling for her. Wait really? I thought she was tougher than this. Anyways Charlie explains that it was a woman who attacked him. Really? I thought it was a man. Maybe she hid her breast real well or maybe it's a man pretending to be a woman with extremely saggy breast. Anyways she sticks a needle in herself and then him. Hold on lady that's how diseases get spread so stop. After Charlie tells them what happened he goes into the woods and finds Reggie in a tree. Are the Wytches tree huggers? I get the feeling they are. I mean they live in trees and put people in them so I'm gonna guess they're tree huggers. This issue ends with Sailor in a tree with a match lit being held or dragged by the Wytches. Artwork was pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Remember if you're a hippie loving tree hugger restraint yourself from putting others in the trees you love so much. Trees don't eat or drink people so please use your brain for once in your life.

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Review: Star Wars #2

This issue opens up with Luke and Vader fighting. Well more like vader kicking lukes ass. Next Han brings the roof down on Luke and Vader. Seems like the rebels aren't doing to good. Next we see Threepido get the gun from the cockpit threaten the aliens and get shot. How'd these guys ever win again? I mean ya the clones can't hit the side of a barn but heck with how powerful vader is he should have taken the rebels apart years ago anyways Lukes saber kills a lot of the slaves. At this point I'm just gonna face palm. Oh wait Luke finally shot some clones. Your still fifty points behind but good for you. This issue ends with vader rising from the ruble. Artwork was pretty good. I give this issue a 8 out of 10. Remember if you're a jedi keep trak of your lightsaber so the sith lords don't use it to kill your teammates... cause after that you might as well die with them so you won't be ashamed.

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Review: Wytches #2

This issue opens up with a bit of chapter two from Charlies book... really does anyone give a crap about this book? I sure don't. I'm more interested in the main story. I mean heck leave that crap out I don't want to read about some kid at a carnival. Anyways we see Charlie trying to set up one of those chairs that can go upstairs while his friend Reggie reads his story. Charlie ends up shocking himself with the chair or one of the power fuses and gets all pissed which makes Reggie ask what's bothering him. Um he just got shocked idiot unless your blind or stupid I'd guess that's the reason he's pissed. Anyways we find out what happened to Sailor after she scrame.  Her window broke and she somehow cut herself on the shards or so her parents say oh and she has a lump on her throat. Well first off how do you explain her window breaking second how can a cut cause someone to get a lump? I mean ya if the cut got infected it'd swell but I don't think it'd leave a lump. So obviously she isn't seeing things or going crazy. Next we see Lucy talking to some kid about how he'll be ok and be swimming in ice cream and jello. I don't think anyone would want to swim in ice cream and jello. Heck after you got out you'd be sticky and the rest of the ice cream and jello would be contaminated with your germs so no thank you. Next we see Sailor freaking out and driving the school bus home. Um where was the bus driver or other school works to stop her from stealing the bus? That just proves that school is not a safe place for kids to go to. This issue ends with Charlie getting attacked by some crazy guy. Artwork was pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10.  Remember don't swim in ice cream and jello. Unless you're obese then go for it but don't blame me when your all sticky or die from eating the ice cream and jello while you're swimming in it.

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Review: Star Wars #1

This issue opens up with Luke, Han solo and Leia going to a weapons factory that belongs to the empire. Once Luke and the others get in the action starts up. Wait only two pages worth really? they better have more. Anyways Luke uses the force and finds some slaves while chopping some guys hand off along the way. Is it me or does the Skywalker family have a thing for losing hands or chopping others off. Anyways Darth Vader comes and all hell brakes lose after chewie tries to take a shot at him. Threepido gets told he's a useless machine. Is it me or are machines made out to be the bad guys in almost every movie or book? I mean the empire got rid of their droids but the clones aren't any better I mean look at the ones that are riddled with bullet holes how are they any better. This issue ends with Ben telling Luke to run. Artwork was pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Remember don't be a clone for Vader unless you want to be filled with bullet holes.

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Review: Harley Quinn Invades Comic-Con International San Diego #1

This issue opens up with Harley Quinn and her friends arriving at comic-con international. While Harley gets ready she lets Queenie read the comic she's writing so she can get her input. On the first day of the con she pulls some guys pants down who is cosplaying as batman just so she can talk to Bob Harras but instead gets kicked out for the rest of the day. Next we see some chick dressed up as a cheta tell Harley that the jokers looking for her. Harley ends up crashing through the roof of the con and finding a room full of guys dressed as joker... I have a feeling this won't end well. See told you she's having sex with all of them which is probably Amanda Conner playing with the obsessed fan boys mind so that they get jelous and wish they were there which will never happen cause they cant be there if it's in a comic. Or maybe it's Amanda saying Harley Quinn is a slut. Either way a lot of fan boys probably flipped out about that part. The next day Harley gets kicked out of the con again but this time gets in a car wreck with Harley Quinn cosplayers and shoots a cop in the ass. I'm guessing half those girls probably shit and piss their pants that day and probably got tramatized a little. Oh hey cool Stephen Amell mayed an appearance in this comic. Next Harley meets Paul Dini and Bruce Timm her creators. This issue ends with Harley stealing a bunch of comics. Artwork was pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Remember don't pants anyone at a con if you want to have your portfolio reviewed or else you'll get kicked out.

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Review: Spider-Woman #2

This issue opens up with Jessica in loom world the home base of the inheritors. Jessica finds out that everyone in loom world loves Jessica well the other Jessica though. Some pirate has a meeting with her. Next we see Silk Jumping across the multiverse being chased by the inheritor twins. So basically a game of cat and mouse. Silk gets cornered and escapes through the twins portal while they're monologing. Does every villain have to do this in every movie or comic book series. I mean for once cant one villain win. Silk goes to loom world and almost gets caught by the first Jessica but the second Jessica punches the first saving Silk from being caught and says she's been wanting to punch the fool all day. What did she suddenly turn into a guy. Normally guys say that and not girls. This issue ends with Morlun kissing the second Jessica. Artwork was pretty good. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Remember if you're a villain don't monolog.

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