Review: Doomed #6

This issue opens up with my ex girlfriend screeching at Doomed, Superman and the alpha centurion. The alpha centurion tells everyone that the monster is called a mother herd. Is that name supposed to be scary? Cause if so it doesn't strike fear into me it just sounds dumb. Next we see the monster take a swing and Reiser jump right into it's fist. Well he just screwed them all. Whenever I hear the alpha centurion talk it makes me want to put my hands through the pages and choke the life out of him so I don't have to be annoyed by him anymore. Anyways we see Superman and the alpha centurion attack the monster at the same time stunning it a little. The monster throws a ship at all of them sending them underwater. Note to self never fight with Superman and the alpha centurion they both suck. Next we see Reisers aunt walking and her dog ouioui leap out her hands and runs towards the fight that's going on. Next we see Reiser save Superman before he drowns. Is it me or is Superman even more loser than he originally was? Reiser ends up taking care of the monster. Still don't make him cool either. Anyways next the annoying sparkling fairy comes and says he's gonna destroy Reiser. Well looks like you missed your chance cause Superman knocked you out. Superman tells Reiser to stay put so star labs can get him and fix him. Wait is he changing on his own snd talking? I would have tried that on the first or second try instead of worrying a whole ton like he did. Reiser says something that makes Superman decide to give him chance and not take him to star labs. This issue ends with Reiser in monster form jumping through the city with his aunts dog on his shoulder. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise eh. I give this issue a 3 out of 10. I'm so glad this series is over and off my pull.

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Review: Starfire #3

This issue opens up with a guy lost at sea spotting a ship and calling for help. Geez if this ever happened to me I know I'd just drown right away so that's why I'll never get on a ship. We find out the cast aways name is Soren Hook. With that last name it makes him sound evil. Well guess him shooting that guy just proved my suspension right. Next we see Starfire in a pool getting all the genomes at the bottom and asking Sol if they're tribute statutes of famous people. No but they sure can be creepy sometimes. Sol takes Starfire to her new place and explains how everything works. If you ask me I think Sol is gaining feelings for her after the kiss they had. Next we see Starfire go to the store and spend a lot of money on groceries. Jeez hate people like this guy. Like you can tell he just used her lack of knowledge to get a lot of money from her. Note to self avoid people like this in the future. Next we see Sheriff Gomez running down the street to get to a ship that crashed on the island. Starfire flys Sheriff Gomez to the ship. Oh look it's the ship that was at the beginning of the issue. Starfire flys Sheriff Gomez to the top and blast the door open for her. Damit I hate when people drink to much and try and eat something with ketchup. I mean look this guy passed out and got ketchup all over the place. Oh... wait it's actually blood. Sheriff Gomez sends Starfire to the blue monkey where a ton of guys, a girl and even a... wait really a cat bought her a drink? Note to self go to a bar with a cat and see if it buys me a drink. Next we see some chick explain why everyone is buying Starfire a drink. We see a red monster attack the blue monkey. See why I never want to live in a place like this. This issue ends with the chick telling Starfire that her name is Atlee and that the monster is after her cause she buried it in the ground. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. What do you mean I can't bring my cat in a bar? Come on I just wanted it to buy me a drink.

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Review: The F1rst Hero #4 ( Fight For Your Life )

This issue opens up with two of Big James men being taken out by the extrahuman task force. See kids this is why you don't do stuff that's illegal cause you'll end up in prison or worse. Next we see Colonel Kirkson take a rocket and shoot the door down. Geez the government in this series sure likes to let the extrahuman task force do whatever they want. Next we see the extrahuman task force and Big James men get in a fight. Oh crap her comes Odinson the crazy three armed man. Note to self never fight a three armed man on my own. Wow after losing a few men Kirksons men got smart and killed Odinson by tasing him. Note to self if I ever get in a fight with a three armed man just get lots of tasers and use them on him cause three armed mens weaknesses are tasers. Next we see Copper shoot Pete in the head and hit Jake over the head with his gun dislodging the jammed bullet. Note to self make sure none of my friends will pull this crap on me. Wait one might.. shit! Copper leaves before the extrahuman task force finds him and kills him. Anyways we see jake take one eft members mask and take both of them head on knocking them out. Jake steals one of their suits and manages to get out of there without being caught and killed. Copper calls Jake and tells him to come to his penthouse. Jake goes to Coppers penthouse which is a mess. Do it now Jake! Kill Cooper for what he's done! This issue ends with Copper killing himself and Jake taking his money and riding off in the night. Artwork was good. Story wise good ending. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Remember don't be friends with people who will turn around and kill you when they have the chance.

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Review: New Suicide Squad #14

This issue opens up with Bonnie in shock after Sage clicked the terminate all button. Well that was a sh- oh ok they're all still alive so I'm guessing Amanda Waller did something so Sage couldn't blow all there heads off. Which is really good cause I wouldn't want Harley Quinn to lose her head. Don't give me that look. Harley Quinn is crazy and beautiful and doesn't deserve to die. Next Amanda Waller goes to Deadshot and tells him that she'll get a truck so they can put Parasite in it. We see the suicide squad in a church. Well guess that proves that churches don't kill bad people on the spot. I mean heck I consider myself to be bad and walked in one today and didn't die. Or maybe that means they're all good and not bad which would mean that I'm not bad either. Amanda Waller tells them that they need to take down Sage. Well no suprise there. I mean my ex is named Sage and has done a ton of bad things. Amanda Waller also tells them that she disengaged the neck bombs which makes all of them attack her. Note to self never work with people who I just put bombs in them disengaged or I'll end up getting attacked by them. Next we see Sage talking to his boss and his boss telling him thst his part in all of their plans needs to happen now. Well looks like Amanda Waller is handling herself pretty well. Harley takes some swings at Amanda but ends up getting her own hammer smashed into her face. Don't you dare hurt Harley Amanda Waller! Deadshot hits Amanda on the back of her head sending her to the ground and the rest of the suicide squad kicking her. Do it Deadshot pull the trigger and kill her. Amanda tells them all that she also reprogrammed the neck bombs so that if she dies so do they. Note to self never work for Amanda Waller. This issue ends with Sage talking to Manta and convincing him to help him destroy Amanda Waller. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good can't wait to see what happens next. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Hopefully Harley gets revenge on Amanda for her hitting her with her own hammer.

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Review: Supernatural Season 11 Episode 7 ( Plush )

This episode opens with some guy watching a football game while his wife does the dishes. I hate guys like this. Like dam spending time with your wife and helping her with stuff is more important than a football game or anything. Anyways the jerks wife takes the trash out. If you ask me she should just kick him out. Next we see a person wearing a bunny rabbit mask bring jerk a beer and then smash it on his head. The jerks wife comes back in to see the rabbit with a knife leaning over her dead husbands body. If you ask me he got what he deserved. Next we see Sam praying and Dean walk in on him praying and ask him why he's doing it. Dean gets a call from Donna about a killer easter bunny. Hey I know of a channel on youtube that has the easter bunny eating a little girls dog so maybe it's that easter bunny. Donna tells Sam and Dean that they weren't able to get the mask off the guy. Note to self never put a mask on myself unless its a clown mask cause those are alright. Next we see a jester take some weights to the coaches head. Note to self avoid jesters. Oh hell ya it's a clown. Be right back I'm gonna get some popcorn. The clown ends up finishing the job and killing the coach. That scene where Sam was in the elevator with the clown was pretty funny. Dean talks to the jerks wife and learns that him and the coach accused a guy named Chester of touching their kids inappropriately. Dean goes back to Chesters sister to get the rest of the story. Chesters sister tells them how she called the jerk and the coach in hopes thst they'd just scare Chester which failed and resulted in him dying. Next Chesters sister get attacked by her son who is wearing a stag head. Note to everyone kids can be creepy sometimes. Dean ends up getting the stag head off max and having Sam burn it. This episode ends with Sam telling Dean that he thinks god is telling him to go back in the cage. This episode was pretty good my favorite part was the scene with the clown. I so wish I had that mask and costume. I give this episode a 10 out of 10. If you ask me I think the darkness is trying to trick Sam into going back into the cage so he won't come between her and Dean.

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Review: Batman Beyond #3

This issue opens up with Matt telling Nora that he doesn't think Tim Drake deserves the suit and doesn't know if he can trust him or not. Next we see Brother Eye prying into Tim Drakes mind showing us his past. Damit why does he keep saying eye instead of I? That's annoying and makes me want to bash my head into a wall to try and get the stupid out before I become stupid. I mean seriously how can a super smart computer villain miss use the word eye so much. It makes me think Batman was doing drugs when he made btother eye. Anyways Alfred comes back online and shocks Tim so he can get out of the chair and destroy it. Dam I wish I had that suit. Dam Max Gibson is annoying to. No no the lodge is not love, it is not all and I definitely won't accept it in my life so please just shut up. Inque and Batman fight. Wait whos that chick with Brother Eye? We find out that the chick is Inques daughter named Deena. Wait did Inque have her before she turned into the thing she is now or did some guy knock Inque up? Cause if he did it while she was that thing I imagine it'd be pretty hard to have sex with her that way. We learn that Brother Eye is on the moon with her as his prisoner. Batman tells Inque that he'll save her daughter if she helps him burn the place to the ground. Inque helps Batman giving him the chance to save Max and Barbara Gordon. Yes looks like team Batman won this round. Once Matt sees that Tim brought Max and Barbara back he stops doubting Batman. Next sirens go off around the city and Batman merts Micron. Who? I've never even heard of this guy. Guess I'll have to look him up online after this. This issue ends with Brother Eye taking over Batmans ia Alfred and telling him that Neo-Gotham will die tonight. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Eye totally can't wait to read the next issue. Damit Brother Eye get out of my phone!

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Review: Doomed #5

This issue opens up with Superman telling Jayne about doomsday and how he's been infected by doomsday before and how he thinks doomsday is back. Sure he's back but less cool. Jayne tells Superman that Reiser got infected to. I have a feeling Superman is gonna try to bond with him. Next we see Reiser siting on the edge of his roof and his roommate ask him if he wants to go for a run. No thanks man I just ate a whole box of twinkies and would rather get fat then lose the weight. Superman finds Reiser and scans his body with some machine cause his powers aren't working as well as they used to. And that kids is why Batman will always be better than Superman. Though I hear Batman changed the bat look for robot armor that looks like a rabbit so ya. Anyways Superman tries to get Reiser to go back to star labs with him which makes him angry for some reason causing him to deck Superman. Note to self don't try and help people who turn into doomsday cause they'll just punch you. Next we see Reisers roommate turn into the alpha centurion. Is it me or is the alpha centurion just as lame as Reiser when he turns into Doomsday. Superman finds Reiser and sends him crashing to the ground. Boo just kill him Superman. This series is boring and just needs to end. Next we see the alpha centurion kick Reisers ass. Yes maybe he'll finish him off. Damit Superman why'd you have to stop him? This issue ends with a big monster coming out of the ground. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise eh needs to end. I give this issue a 5 out of 10. Hey why is Superman standing behind me like a creep?

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Review: Darth Vader #5

This issue opens up with Darth Vader and Doctor Aphra in a. Um a swarm of whale ships or something. I have no clue what those things are but they sure are ugly so I'll agree with Vader that they're an abomination. Next Doctor Aphra shoots a ion charge at one of the abominations. Next we see a bunch of gaurds standing at the ready waiting for whatever is cutting through the door to come through. Hold on guys don't shoot it's just c3-po... I mean triple-zero. Next we see Vader cut a hole in the abomination sucking all the gaurds out into space. Note to self never go into space. I definitely would hate to die in space. Vader sends some of his droids to the dojo and has some go with him to the barracks to take out the men. Well the droids in the dojo sure didn't last long. Vader goes in the dojo to find some jedi. Wait those aren't jedi those look like they're just machines with human skin on them. Next we see Vader fight them till Cylo shows up. Wait I thought he died. He's a robot with tons of bodies for real? This issue ends with the emperor showing up to watch the robots and Vader fight. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. If someone ever turns a dead whale into a spaceship I'll make sure to avoid it at all cost.

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Review: Hitlist #3

This issue opens up with Jordans parents and his brother dying. So he took the batman route and that's why he's killing bad people now right? Jordan wakes up from his nightmare which also wakes Cody up. Cody and Jordan have a talk about Rain. I get that she made the news twice but hey at least she gets the job done. Next we see some guy in prison get shot. We see our characters have a meeting. I have a feeling one of the people is gonna quit. Yep Mike just took the money and left. Cody and Rain have a short chat that results in Rain kissing Cody. Damit I wanted to see a full on make out session. Don't give me that look. If you're a guy and say you wouldn't like that you're lying. We see a cop shoot some guy with two girls. Well crap that guys not a cop he's one of the gang members our characters are killing. Cody goes to Jordan and tells him that she put a tracker on Rain so they can follow her. This issue ends with Thorne asking the two girls what really happened the night they were found. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. I hope we see a make out session between Rain and Cody sometime. Hey stop giving me that Judgmental look!

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Review: Silk #7

This issue opens up with Silk sitting in Dr. Sinclairs room. Um is anyone else getting annoyed by that clock? Guys if I have to keep seeing this panel with the clock ticking I think I'm gonna smash it. Oh finally she's out. Next we see Cindy and Mr. Jameson talk about some kid who got busted and how he thinks it's her brother. I have a feeling he might be right Cindy so you should definitely go and see him. Next we see Cindy running up to the roof and taking off her bandages. Oh hey look it's her two coworkers who are dating on the roof. Wait are they really using the word selfi and taking a picture during the end of the world? I wouldn't I mean heck if the world is gonna end the picture you just took won't matter much. Note to people, if you ever see me in public and use the word selfi I will punch you in the face. Anyways we see Silk swinging through the city and saving a bunch of people. Note to self when the world is ending save a bunch of people before the world ends so your life will mean something in the end. Well looks like Silk is dead that bus just smashed her. Rage comes and saves Silk before she dies. I have to say he's pretty cool now... not! This issue ends with Silk finding her brother and spending her last few hours with him as the world ends. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. Can't wait to read the next issue. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. No I'm not crying cause of the ending. I'm crying cause someone put hot sauce in both my eyes.
:(

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Review: The Amazing Spider-Man Special #1

This issue opens up with Peter at fast food place trying to find the courage to ask a girl out. Wait is does Peter not have much courage when it comes to asking girls out? I thought Peter had enough courage for anything. Wait is he really talking to himself while he's waiting in line? Guys I think Peter has gone crazy we might have to send him to the funny farm. Darn to late Peter she walked away. Next we see Spider-Man swinging while singing to himself and holding a burito. Um wouldn't that be falling apart in one hand and be falling on all the people walking? Next we see Spider-Man stop and eat his burito. Next Spider-Man notices a flying island and some monsters flying out of it. Wait why are yoy leaving your delicious burito there while you fight crime? If I were Spider-Man I would have ate it as slowly as possible to savor it. Then I'd go and fight crime. Hate when people do that in movies and comic books. Anyways next we see Spider-Man go to the partk and fight flying bird monsters. Yes peta Spider-Man is beating up bird monsters better come out and stop him. Spider-Man meets Queen Medusa after she saves him from a bunch of bird monsters with her hair. Oh look it's the goat man from Narnia. We see a bunch of teenage superheros fighting the bird monsters. Damit peta come out here and do your job. Spider-Man meets all the teenage superheros and learns there code names. I agree with Spider-Man all there code names suck. Spider-Man and the inhumans go through a magical door to the floating island. I thought with goat man there they would have gone to Narnia. Oh hey look it's the vulture... what do you mean he's not the vulture? His name is Raven. Wait why is Raven from teen titans here in a marvel book? Hey don't give me that look. Raven is from dc comics not marvel. This issue ends with the vulture sending our heros out the sky island towards there doom. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Damit Spider-Man just swung over me with a burito in his hand and now I got pieces of his burito on my phone.

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Review: Red Hood Arsenal #3

This issue opens up with Red Hood falling out a window and getting shot by one of Arsenals arrows. Note to self when fighting with a partner make sure the partner has a better way of saving me cause I don't want to get shot with something just to be saved. Next we see a bunch of people cheering at Red Hood. Well the sign with his face on it I mean. Well that's definitely gonna come around to bite them in the ass at some point. Yep knew it Tara Battleworth already came down on them and told them she can't hire them again. Is it me or is she a lot hotter when she's angry? Wait why are these creepy mimes in my book? Get them out of her they creep me out. Anyways we see Red Hood and Arsenal meet up with some guy working for their client named Underbelly. That name definitely makes him sound like a fat lonely man who just sits at home and plays world of warcraft all day. Just so everyone knows that game is stupid. If you play it you'll become fat and lonely. Red Hood and Arsenal meet Underbelly face to face. Oh hell no. What is that thing? Eww it's pimples are talking... I think I'm gonna throw up. Oh hell ya Red Hood just shot Underbelly. Damit it's still alive. Yes Arsenal juet took care of it for awhile. This issue ends with a giant robot beating the crap out of Red Hood and Arsenal. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I would so work for Tara Battleworth just to piss her off from time to time so I could make her angry and even hotter ;).

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Review: Supernatural Season 11 Episode 6 ( Our Little World )

This episode opens up with two teenage girls talking about school and parents. *shuders* oh how I hate school. So glad I'm out. Next we see Amara come and take Holdies soul. Next we see Crowley catch Amara going back into her room. Note to all teenagers don't sneak out or you'll be in big trouble. We see Dean call Cas as he's binge watching tv and tells him that him and Sam need him back in the game. We find out that creepy guy from last episode died. Sam and Dean go to the police station and find out that Goldie snapped and tried to kill her mom with a frying pan. Note to self don't piss off girls when they're holding something cause more than likely I'll end up getting the shit beat out of me. Cas watches the news and sees a video that Metatron recorded. Sam and Dean find out where Crowley has been keeping Amara and go there to kill her. I have a feeling that something is gonna go wrong and she'll get away. Cas finds Metatron and beats the shit out of him. Note to self never piss off an angel or their wrath will come down upon you. Oh come on Dean kill Amara! Don't stand there looking like an idiot. If you let her live then there'll be more soulless people soon. Sam has another vision. Sam didn't  your parents ever tell you yo stay away from drugs? See told you something bad would happen and that she'd get away. Dam you Dean next time kill her. This episode ends with us finding out that Amara is gods sister. Great episode. I give this episode a 10 out of 10. Hold on guys some guy is dying so I'm gonna go record him snd steal his money.

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Review: Batman & Robin Eternal #3

This issue opens up with Red Hood and Cassandra fighting in a bar. Note to self don't be in a bar when a fight breaks out it doesn't look fun. Dick Grayson ends up stopping Red Hood before he has the chance to kill Cassandra. Note to self avoid Red Hood he looks dangerous. Grayson tells Red Hood about mother and the list. Next we see the scooby gang at the bat cave listening to Batmans message while Harper Row gets patched up by a robotic table. I would not go anywhere near that thing. I mean have you seen terminator. Next we see a flashback to when Grayson was Robin after he and Batman got gased by Scarecrow. Geez when you put it that way it maked it sound like he farted on their faces. Anyways we see Batman ask Robin what it was like when the fear gas took over. We go back to the present day where Matron tells Grayson that Poppy ate the nantes and made several calls to mother at the beacon tower where Bruce Wayne is getting welcomed home. Wait where's Cassandra going and why is she telling Harper Row to come with her. Note to Grayson find better baby siters your current ones suck. This issue ends with a chef bringing Bruce Wayne into a kitchen full of people with weapons. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Note to self don't become rich or people will want to murder me.

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Review: Hitlist #2

This issue opens up with Mike Brown killing the other bald men that showed up. Next we see Dominic and his wife. At least I think it's his wife on a date with some friends. We see Dominic get a text from Mike. I hate how people now a days go on a date and are always on there phone. Like hello get off your phone and be in the now. I had two exs do that to me then they'd complain about how I didn't pay attention to them or talk to them. Like well if you didn't have your attention on your phone you would have heard me. Anyways next we see Mike and Dominic talking in person about the other two people on their team. Next we see some chick walk into a stripper club and kill some other stripper. I'm sure all the lonely nerds were happy after seeing that panel. Though my friend would give me a whole lecture about how it's inappropriate and how she'd burn in hell for kissing that chick. News flash none of thag is true. Anyways back to the issue. Next we see the stripper also known as Rain take out one of the guys in a motel room while her partner shoots the other in the head. This issue ends with some guy showing his boss the footage of Rain and how she's gonna lead them to their problem. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Remember don't kiss the same stuff even if you're acting cause if you do you're going to hell... not.

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Review: Deathstroke #7

This issue opens up with Deathstroke crashing through trees and face first into sand. Next we see a golden sowrd land in the sand next to Deathstroke. That's an awesome looking sowrd I wish I had that sowrd. We see Deathstroke kill some monsters that were actually just made of smoke. Some readers would probably see that part and think Deathstroke was tripping at that point in time and try and ban the book by saying it had bad content in it. Hey don't give me that look like there aren't people like that in this world. There definitely are and my aunt is one of them. I've even heard that some people wouldn't let their kids watch or read Harry Potter because it had witches and wizards in it so they said it was meant for devil worshipers. Anyways next we see Slade Wilson go to see his daughter and give her a note to give to Jericho. Wait is she really burning the note? Note to self be a better father then Slade Wilson. Next we see Deathstroke go to Paradise island where the amazons live. I have a feeling we're gonna see Wonder Woman at some point. Next we see Deathstroke find the tartarus and go inside it where he fights more monsters. Also for those judgmental people out there who try and ban books for certain material those monsters weren't made of smoke. Next we see a statue come from flames. If I didn't know what happened after it appeared I'd so want that statue in my room. Well dam it just exploded into pieces. This issue ends with Wonder Woman telling Deathstroke to surrender or die. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Hey why is there a floating head in my room?

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Review: The Amazing Spider-Man #18.1

This issue opens up with a fight between Hammerheads men and Tombstones men. Next we see Black Cat trying to convince all the men to join her instead which doesn't work. Hey I'd join her side. Don't give me that look she's hot. Next we see The Crime Master and his men give her some advice. Wait crime master for real? Who comes up with these names? Anyways next we see Peter Parker looking at some pictures while a little kid talks to him. Wait why is there a little kid in a prison for super powered people. Peter get that little kid out of there so she doesn't get hurt. Next we see Spider-Man looking for Yuri and finds her with mister negative. Geez I already feel like I'm in a negative mood after seeing him. Well he just made Spider-Man look like a fool by dissappearing like a magician. We see The Wraith and Spider-Man go to the jail to stop a break out. I have a feeling something bad is gonna happen. Dam Black Cat got Spider-Man good. Next we see The Wraith use some of scarecrows fear gas to help her take down Crime Masters men in the prison. This issue ends with a gun going off and Spider-Man coming to see the wraith with a gun in her hands. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Hey stop being so negative mister negative.

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Review: Carnage #1

This issue opens up with Cletus Kasady at a diner. Geez watching him eat that sandwich is making me hungry for one. Next we see a news report come on about a chick named Manny who survived his first mass murder. We see Cletus get mad after he hears the news. Well dam he just killed everyone in that diner. Note to self never be in a diner when someone is mad I might get killed. Next we see Colonel Jameson talking to some chick about how Mannys bait and how their plan is gonna work out. Why is Eddie Brock there? Isn't he a bad guy? Oh someone else has the Venom symbiote now. Darn I wanted to see Venom and Carnage fight. We learn that Eddie Brock has a new symbiote named Toxin. I'm gonna have to look Toxin up online and see if he's cooler then Venom.  Anyways next we see a bunch of guys gaurding separate points get murdered one by one. Note to self never get in a fight with a Symbiote or I'll end up dead. Carnage ends up beating the crap out of Manny. Dam she just took a led pipe to his face. We see Carnage go in the grid and get hit by vibrations. Well that was an epic fail the ground just collapsed sending Cletus underground. This issue ends with Colonel Jameson and some men going down into the mines to find Carnage.  Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good can't wait to read the second issue. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I have to say Venom is still cooler then Carnage.

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Review: The Amazing Spider-Man #18

This issue opens up with Spider-Man saving Sajani from the ghost. Next we see Spider-Man trying to fight the ghost but failing. Note to self never fight a ghost cause you'll just punch right through them. Plus Spider-Man should've known the attacks wouldn't work. Next we see Anna and the rest of parker industries team in Spider-Mans secret lab. Is it me or does it seem like villans and heros always have a secret lair. Anyways Anna and Clayton put on some cartridges to help Spider-Man fight the ghost. Geez Spider-Man ain't doing so good he's got some ruble on him. Note to self never fight in a building that is falling apart around you or you're bound to get caught under ruble. Look Anna and Clayton just saved the day. This issue ends with parker industries being completely destroyed. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise eh. I give this issue a 8 out of 10. Hold on there's a ghost wanting to fight me so I'm gonna go punch through it till it decides to give up after seeing me fail so many times.

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Review: Batman & Robin Eternal #2

This issue opens up with Harper Row on the ground as the orphan stands over her. At least I think that's who he is. Next we see Cassandra Cain come in through the window and stop the orphan from killing Harper Row. Note to self never get in a fight with Cassandra she kicks ass. Next we see Grayson stop at Harper Rows apartment and call Matron to tell her what's going on. Wait did I just read that correctly? Poppy is a canable. Note to self never work with a canable they'll probably look at me like I'm food all the time. Grayson sees the fight going on and jumps his way up. Oh hell ya Harper Row just shocked the orphan with her taser gun. Grayson does a bad job at holding the orphan causing him to escape and Cassandra to go after him. Note to self never trust Dick Grayson with any job he'll fail at it. Next we see a flashback of when Robin and Batman first faced off against Scarecrow. Show this to your kids and they'll never go in a field again. Anyways we come back to present time when Dick Grayson and The Spoiler are stopping Harper Row from bleeding. Really why the name Spoiler? What kind of superhero gives themselves that name? Dick Grayson learns that The Spoiler is Stephanie Brown. This issue ends with Red Hood pointing a gun at Cassandras head. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Now I'm gonna bug the girls house I like with cameras and say I'm watching over her so she won't feel creeped out at all.

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The Amazing Spider-Man Renew Your Vows #3

This issue opens up with Regent asking Dr. Stillwell if she thinks he'll be able to asorb Spider-Mans powers. Um haven't you absorbed everyone elses? I mean do you really have to ask?. Anyways next we see Venom... I mean Spider-Man ask the Tinkerer for inhibitor chips. If you ask me this guy looks evil. I mean he looks like a villain you'd find in the old days. Yep knew it he told the sinister six that Spider-Man would be there. Hey look it's Otto Octavius. Wait is Spider-Man beating the crap out of him and taking his arms apart. Show this to your kids and they won't want to be Doc Ock for Halloween. Oh come on he just left him in the ruble after he tore his arms off. Talk about harsh. Next we see Mr. Jameson saying that Spider-Man is back and people should fear him. He being serious or is he joki? Next we see Mary Jane tell Annie about her dad when he used to be a superhero. Look out it's Ve- oh good it's just Peter Parker. Next we see Mary Jane and Peter Parker take there daughter to school and pass through the test unnoticed. Well until Venom decided he had to save the day.. whoops meant Spider-Man. This issue ends with some gaurds separating Mary Jane from Annie. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty interesting. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Man this was a great issue. Can't wait to see how Venom saves his family in the next issue.

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Review: Spider-Gwen #1

This issue opens up with the Bodega Bandit robbing the dollar dog... wait is he robbing the place with a corn dog? Cause to me that's what it looks like he's doing. I mean if he is is the clerk afraid of corn dogs or judt alergic to them? Next we see Gwen Stacy wake up late for work. Hey no worries Gwen I've done that once or twice. We see Spider-Gwen jumping from car to car trying to avoid the police while trying to get to work. Note to self never have police chasing me while I'm going to work. Anyways we see Gwen trying to think of the right thing to say to her boss so he won't fire her. Oh hey there he is. Gwen ask him what's wrong. Well you see I- I got robbed by the Bodega Bandit. He had a corn dog pointed at me and it scared the shit out of me so I let him have all the money. And also some giant lizard attacked the place so ya I'm a loser of a boss. Next we see Spider-Gwen go to her high school looking for answers. We see Spider-Gwen have flashbacks of when her and Peter talked at lunch. Harry Osborn ask Gwen Stacy to the dance which pisses Peter off. I hate when guys want a girl but don't ask them out so when you do they get all butt hurt like someone shoved a two by four up their ass and blame you for taking their girl when she isn't even his. Anyways we see Peter get punched in the gut and start to transform into the giant lizard. Next we see Spider-Gwen go down in the sewers with corn dogs and get attacked by a bunch of giant lizards. This issue ends with someone saving Spider-Gwen. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good can't wait to read issue two :). I give this issue a 10 out of 10. The opening to this issue still confuses me. I mean does anyone else see him robbing the place with a corn dog or am I not seeing the gun?

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Review: Supernatural Season 11 Episode 5 ( Thin Lizzie )

This episode opens up with an axe murder happening at the Lizzie Borden murder house. Note to self avoid the Lizzie Borden murder house. Next we see Sam and Dean go to the Lizzie Borden murder house to investigate. Well thst doesn't seem creepy at all to stay in the room that the couple died in. Next we see Dean get his picture taken by some creep. We see some guys mother get axed. I guess in a way they asked for it since they run the place and live there. Well probably isn't a ghost where as someone got murdered at a different place. Dean goes to talk to the creep who took a picture of him. I'd ask the creep if he wanked off to me after he took the picture just to see what he'd say. Creepy guy explains that Amara took his soul while he was at the Lizzie Borden murder house. See why I'm gonna avoid that place. Anyways we see Sam and Dean go to some house with thr creepy guy to see if they can find the wife of the guy who just got murdered. Well Dean just got knocked out. Maybe Sam will have better luck. Nope looks like Cidny got him to. Cidny explains how she met Amara at some place where a lot of goths and weird people like to hang out. Basically a place I'd be. Anyways Amara also sucked her soul out. I have a feeling that at dome point in this season Dean might lose his soul. Oh hey creepy guy just killed Cidny. Dam why have two pretty girls on this show lost their soul and died. This episode ends with Sam and Dean driving off while Amara comes out of the bushes and says by to Dean snd that she'll see him again. This episode was good liking the episodes so far. I give this episode a 10 out of 10. Note to self don't leave a girl for another girl or the ex will kill me with an axe.

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Review: Silk #6

This issue opens up to a flashback of Cindy and her mom talking about Ezekiel. I wouldn't trust him but of course she does and we know what happens. Next we see Silk trying to figure out how she's gonna escape and talking to the Repairman to keep him districted while she finds a way to escape. The Repairman tells her that the people who have her parents have been watching her in the bunker. Well with your name Repairman I'd think it was you since your name reminds me of those porns with a Repairman. I mean heck he could be watching her and making a porn out of all the clips. Oh yay she escaped but broke one of her fingers escaping. Silk starts to beat the crap out of the Repairman then Black Cat comes and beats the crap out of him. I have a feeling this won't end well for him which is a good and bad thing. Yep see he just died. Next we see Silk and Black Cat exchange blows. Ouch Black Cat is holding Silk by her hair. See this is why I'd hate to be a girl. Silk uses her fingers and cuts her hair. Oh hell ya now Black Cats gonna get it. Silk wraps one of her hands up in webs and hits Black Cat making her crash into a car. Hi if you've ever been in this situation get geico so you'll be covered in an accident or if Black Cat lands on top of your car. Next we see Silk get angry and throw stuff around in her bunker. Oh look she found the camera and destroyed it. Um I'm sure there's more then one Silk. This issue ends with Silk calling Dr. Sinclair. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good loved the fight between Black Cat and Silk. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Wait how'd this porn get on my phone? Oh crap it's got the Repairman in it... crap it won't close. Hopefully I'll get this porn off my phone and be back with a new review tomorrow.

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Review: Star Wars Shattered Empire #4

This issue opens up with Some guy telling the fleet about operation cinder. No wonder they gave it that name cause it definitely fits. Next we see Shara talking to L'ulo about what they just heard and how her husbands papers were approved so he could leave and that her papers are being processed. Next we see R2d2 find Shara and bring her to Luke Skywalker. With the way he dresses you'd think he was a sith lord. Luke tells Shara that he needs to go to a planet to get something and ask if she'll join him. Which she does. Next we see Luke tell Shara that she's disguised as an isb officer who is also a commander. Well this should go well... not. Anyways we see Shara land and get greeted by commandant hurron. Wait can commanders really speak to commandants like they're lower then them? I've never even heard of a commandant before. Luke and Shara get in and go through all the areas till they reach two floating trees where commandant hurron tells them that they had the right security clearance but didn't do there homework on commander beck. Next we see Luke and Shara in battle. Phew Shara caught the trees before they landed and broke. Shara and Luke get off the planets with both trees. This issue ends with Shara and her husband leaving the rebellion and finding a home. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise um good. I give this issue a 7 out of 10. One things for sure all the tree huggers would love this issue.

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Review: Midnighter #6

This issue opens up with Midnighter and Matt getting shot at by some kind of futuristic gun. Matt gives Midnighter a meat hammer thing and tells him to go take care of the people who shot at them. Midnighter jumps off the roof towards the helicopter and kills one of the guys with a fork. Note to self avoid angry people with forks or they'll kill you. Also for anyone who says guns kill people read this issue and you'll see that guns and other stuff such as a fork and one of those hammers that you use to beat your meat can also kill people. Next we see Midnighter and Matt go to a bunch of different places while their home is being rebuilt. We see Midnighter and Matt go back to their house once it's finished. Wait something happened to Matts dad darn that sucks. Midnighter and Matt go to his dads place and Midnighter starts looking for the people who beat up Matts Father. Oh look it's one of those bathroom fights you see in movies sometimes. I'd never fight in a bathroom. I mean heck that'd be kinda akward to be taking a piss and then taunting the people because what if you were still going after you taunted them. It's not like you can hold on one second let me finish taking a leak and wash my hands so we can get this show on the road. Next we see Midnighter and Matt almost get hit by a school bus. Note to self school buses aren't always safe sometimes they try to run you down. Midnighter ends up beating the crap out of the people on the bus and finds out they have something called holt griffin skin. Wait what's holt griffin skin? Next we see Midnighter punch Matts dad in the face causing his head to explod. See other things can kill people to not just guns. This issue ends with Matt stabbing Midnighter and changing into some weird costume.  Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good liked the ending. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. See I knew Matt was getting close to him so he could get him when he least expected it. I think I even predicted it in one issue I reviewed.

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Review: Doomed #4

This issue opens up with Wonder Girl beating the shit out of Reiser. Note to self never piss Wonder girl off. Next we see a half an hour before where Reiser was still in monster form and returning his aunts dog to her. Well I understand why he ran off it wouldn't be nice to give his aunt a heart attack. No one should give an old person a heart attack. I mean heck if you do that karmas gonna have something even worse in store for you. Anyways we see Reiser leap to an abandoned amusement park and destroy more things. Well I guess where as the place is abandoned it doesn't matter. Next we see Clarice come up and whisper something in Reisers ear that changes him back into a naked human. If you ask me it seems like she likes him but has something evil planned for him. Next we go back to Wonder Girl beating the crap out of him. Oh look he just saved her life. Wait did he really need to save her? With her powers I assume she invincible. Right? Wonder Girl uses her rope on Reiser and he changes back into human form ss she pulls him out. Geez Reiser is lucky he's flashed two girls in this issue. Next we see him and Wonder girl talk about his condition. Wait that rope takes peoples life force. Why does she still have it wrapped around him? Wonder Girl tells Reiser how she also has a monster in her named Trigon. Geez it seems like a lot of dc characters in this series have something inside them. Let me guess some of the superheros have a monster inside them to that they control. This issue ends with Superman showing up at star labs. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise eh. I give this issue a 6 out of 10. Supermans new look seems like something you'd see a jerk wear. Like I get the feeling he's gonna turn into a jerk with that new look.

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Review: New Suicide Squad #13

This issue opens up with Boomerang making a deal with a drug lord. Well knowing Captain Boomerangs luck things won't go so well. Yep see they're already shooting at him and Deadshot. Yes Parasite and Harley Quinn havr joined the fight. Still don't know where Parasite came from though. Next we see Captain Boomerang and Amanda Waller take cover behind one of the counters. Boomerang tells Amanda that the deal went wrong cause he asked to see the drugs which apparently doesn't work in real life. Note to self when trying to make a deal to export drugs to move further up the ladder and help people catch the drug dealers don't ask to see the drugs. Next we see Deadshot take cover. Oh look Deadshot has become a pill popper and a wimp ever since he got the shit beat out of him by Deathstroke. Note to self never fight Deathstroke or I'll get the shit beat out of me and turn into a pill popping wimp like Deadshot. Parasite comes out and asorbs all the souped up druggies causing himself to exploded. Note to self avoid Parasite when he's ready to blow. Anyways we see Captain Boomerang throw a rock at a cops head causing the others to throw gas causing the crowd of people to move and help Amanda Waller, Harley Quinn and Boomerang sneak by. Next we see Amanda Waller kill the drug lord and tell Bonnie that she's gonna be gone for awhile. This issue ends with Sage pressing the terminate all button. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I wonder where Manta is.

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Review: Star Wars Shattered Empire #3

This issue opens up with Han Solo and his team attacking an imperial base. You think after losing so many times the imperials would just give up. Next we see Chewbacca save Kes. Who's Goldenrod and why is Han Solo yelling for him? Oh it's just Threepido. For a second there I thought there'd be some weird porn star in this issue. Yes my name is Golden and I'd be happy to be in your next issue of star wars shattered empire. Next we see Shara, Leia and the queen of Naboo get in ships. Well at least you get to see a lot of space in star wars issues. Anyways Threepido finds out about operation cinder and tells Han Solo what's going on. Dam wouldn't want to piss any of those girls off. Looks like they'd kill you on the spot. This issue ends with Lando and his crew saving the day. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise still boring. I give this issue a 7 out of 10. Hmm I wonder why Leia got that cold feeling earlier. Maybe Darth Maul survived somehow or maybe his spirit lingers there.

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Review: Harley Quinn #11

This issue opens up with Mason coming back and his mother making him a breakfast fit for a king. What does that breakfast include? Now I want someone to make me a breakfast fit for a king. Next we see Big Tony show up and get squeezed by Mason. See this is why I'm glad I'm tall so people don't squeeze me to death when they hug me... though I rearly get or give hugs cause they're contagious. Next we see Mason and Big Tony help Harley Quinn carry Power girl up to her room. Note to self never date a girl that size of a giant cause she'll be hard to pick up if she gets knocked out or something. Tony gets his med kit but tells them that they need to take Power Girls clothes off so he can hear her heart beat better. I'm guessing he hasn't gotten lucky in a long time. Though he's short so he could just walk under a girl and look up her skirt if she's wearing one. Hey don't give me that look. I'm sure short girls would do the same thing if guys wore something that showed a bit more of their junk. Next we see Harley Quinn make a new costume for Power Girl. Oh look at that it didn't fit her. In fact it came apart as soon as she got up. I'm sure all the geeks are upset that they didn't get to see Power Girl naked. Harley tells Power Girl that she works at the freak show when she's not fighting crime. Well she's big enough that she'd probably be labeled a freak. Next we see Harley Quinn and Power girl shop for clothes. Hey why don't any of the clothes fit Harley. Oh it's for husky girls. Harley looked beautiful in all those outfits. This issue ends with a fast food place getting robbed and Harley Quinn and Power Girl going to fight crime. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I love seeing Harley Quinn excited about something.

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Review: Supernatural Season 11 Episode 4 ( Baby )

This episode opens up with Sam and Dean washing the impala. I so wish I had their car. Also when I saw them washing the car I thought wouldn't it be nice if they had some maid to do it for them. Except not an old maid, a hot one in a bikini. Next we see Sam and Dean driving in the impala talking about a case. Dean stops at roadhouse where they worked a case eith a girl named Heather. Has there been an episode with her in it? If not what does she look like? Is she hot? I'm guessing the way Dean talks about her that she's hot. Next we see Dean come out of roadhouse in the morning and enter the impala to find a naked Sam and waitress named Piper. At least I think she was a waitress. Anyways Sam falls asleep and has another vision but in the form of a dream with his dad telling him that him and Dean are the only ones who can stop yhe darkness. Well duh I mean heck they've killed a crap load of big bads while other angels and hunters get the leftovers. We see some hot black haired chick named Jessie pick up her friend in Dean and Sams impala and drive around. She's hot. Kinda reminds me of Jenna. Poor Jenna. Next Dean kills- ok n- nope he just chopped off the deputies head and yet he's still alive. Sam and Dean find out that it's a mix between vampire and wearwolf and that you have to stick a coin made of copper in it's mouth then behead it to kill it. Note to self avoid hybrids their harder to kill. Sam and Dean save some old chick who turns out to be one of the vampire wearwolf things and beats the crap out of Dean. Show this to your kids and they'll respect their elders. Old lady puts the deputies head back on who turns out to be the alpha. Next we see Dean stick a bunch of Pennys in the alphas mouth and chop his head off with the car door. Note to self hybrids hate pennys. I mean who doesn't you can't buy shit with a penny. This episode ends with Sam and Dean driving off in a beat up impala. This episode was great. I give this episode a 10 out of 10. I love how the whole episode was from the point of view of the impala. Goes to show how awesome that car is.

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Review: Batman & Robin Eternal #1

This issue opens up several years in Egypt with a little boys parents being shot. I thought Bruce Waynes parents died in Gotham not Egypt... what do you mean that's not Bruce Waynes parents. Then who's parents is it. Next we see Dick Grayson following a villain with a futuristic bike up the side of a building. Look at that Red Hood joined the fight. Oh and now part of the building blew up. You know I'm gonna become a superhero just so I can damage property and not pay for it. Anyways Grayson and Red Hood take down the villan before Tim Drake is able to use his tech to take him down. Oh hey I know Tim Drake from Batman Beyond. He's more badass in that series. Next we see Grayson go to some grand opening where creepy little kids shoot at him. Note to self kids can be creepy at times. Wait why is Graysons partner shooting at him? Did he piss in everyones cereal or something? Next we see Grayson get his ass handed to him by some girl. I'm guessing Grayson broke to many mirrors, walked under some laders and even crossed a black cats path for all this bad luck to happen to him tonight. Next we see Harper Row meet the orphan I think. We see Grayson put in a file that the chick who kicked his ass gave him. What he finds on it will shock you. No I'm not gonna spoil it. Go pick up this issue and find out for yourself. This issue ends several years in Egypt with Batman holding a gun standing over the boy who's parents just got shot. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Note to self don't piss Batman off or he'll shoot you or your parents.

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Review: Colder #2 ( Toss The Bones )

This issue opens up with Declan opening the door to an empty hallway making him think the kids from down the hall did it. Or maybe your place is haunted. I mean that's what I'd think. Next Declan goes back to looking at fingers and thinking of getting some that are thought controled which makes Reece saying he'd be grabbing her every seven seconds cause guys think about sex every seven seconds. Not true. I'll even prove it right now 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. See only thought about how stupid Reece is the whole time. Plus when I think about it it's longer than seven seconds just saying. Anyways we see Reece get in the shower and start singing into a bar of soap. See now this scene would probably get any man thinking about sex. Yes it's just art but hey she's hot... and stupid. That's funny Nimble Jack just gave her the shower brush and she thought it was Declan. See stupid. Next we see Nimble Jack stick a funnel in someones neck and pour bleach in it killing the person and making yum yums as he calls it out of the persons insanity. Oh no he gave it to some dogs. Run everyone! Crazy dogs are on the lose. Next we see some little girl follow a crazy white dog to a manhole and get dragged in by the little dog. Hey lady keep a closer eye on the next kid you have. We see Reece ask Declan what his doctor said about fingers and then make a sex joke after he tells her he'd be getting some rubber ones. See when I've made jokes to try and get my girlfriends to laugh in yhe past they get all mad snd almost tear my head off. So note to self never give my girlfriend crap to let her know how much I love her so she'll never know and always be worried. This issue ends with Nimble Jack sending Reece and Declan to the hungry world. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise interesting. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Surprisingly I like Nimble Jack. He kills people in different ways and doesn't just chop their fingers off which makes him less predictable.

Sites to check out:
www.dirkmanning.com
www.facebook.com/blackboxtv
www.newcomicday.net
www.superknockedup.com
www.comicfrontline.com
www.amberunmasked.com

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Review: Starfire #2

This issue opens up with a news report on the hurricanes status. Note to self never move to a place where they have hurricanes. Next we see Starfire take the two people she's renting from to the school and then get hit by a sign. Well at least she can tell people she's been on a sign before. Next we see Sheriff Gomezs brother take a boat into the eye of the hurricane to save two people who are on a honeymoon. Note to self never have a honeymoon where hurricanes happen. Oh look Starfire just slammed through some guys house. Luckily the guy is out of his gored or he'd probably sue her for the damage she just caused. Yes she's pretty but if I were him and that were my house I'd sue her for all the money she's got so I could fix my house. But knowing me I'd never live in a place like that so I wouldn't have to sue the pretty alien. Anyways next we see Sheriff Gomez go out in the hurricane with a tank and find Starfire so she can have her save her brother. I so wish I had been Sheriff Gomezs brother. You'll understand why at the end of the issue. Anyways Starfire goes and saves the two honeymooners and then saves Sheriff Gomezs brother. Starfire uses mouth to mouth to save Sol. See why I wish I was him in the moment. I would have loved that moment. This issue ends with Starfire finding some big footprints. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Note to self never get on my knees and yell in a big whole to see if someone fell in or I myself will probably fall in.

Sites to check out:
www.dirkmanning.com
www.facebook.com/blackboxtv
www.newcomicday.net
www.superknockedup.com
www.comicfrontline.com
www.amberunmasked.com

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Review: The F1rst Hero #3 ( Fight For Your Life )

This issue opens up with Rodney and Pete at some restaurant. Yes I'd like a baconator please. Pete starts talking about the waitress right as she's ordering there food. Dude that's not good. Normally girls don't like it if your not dating them and start talking about them in any way... well unless they're dating some guy and flirt with all the guys while their in the relationship like most my girlfriends have done. Cooper ends up calling one of them right as the argument between him and Jake happened in the last issue. Pete and Rodney go where Jake and Cooper are before Jake can beat the living snot out of him. Good and bad timing. I actually would have liked to seen Jake beat the crap out Cooper after what he said. I mean heck I would. Jake calls his bank to have them give him some money he had put away so he can pay off Coopers debt. Um I don't think that'll go as planned Jake. Yep see Cooper is already stabbing him in the back but big james is also stabbing Cooper in the back. Well this'll be interesting. Hold on gonna go make some popcorn. And back. Next we see Jake and Odinson fight. Oh hell ya Jakes kicking his ass. Oh crap now Odinson is beating the crap out of Jake, and Jake is back to beating the crap out of him. Now Odinson is beating the crap out of Jake. Yes Jake just knocked him out. Big James isn't to happy and shoots Pete in the head. Poor Pete now he'll never be able to give Julie the night of her life. This issue ends with Colonel Kirkson and the extrahuman task force blowing the door open and telling everyone in the room yhat they are under arrest. Artwork was ok. Story wise pretty good loved the Jake and Odinson fight. I give this issue a 8 out of 10. Note to self don't friend people who will turn around and stab me in the back.

Sites to check out:
www.dirkmanning.com
www.facebook.com/blackboxtv
www.newcomicday.net
www.superknockedup.com
www.comicfrontline.com
www.amberunmasked.com

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