Review: Hitlist #1

This issue opens up with some guy and his girlfriend dying. Show this panel to your kids and when someone wrecks into their car they won't want to get out and start a fight with the person. Next we see a bunch of people making phone calls complaining about the person who killed the two people this issue opened up with. Hold on guys phones ringing gotta take the call. Ok and back next we see Cody take down three guys. Dam she's good. And yes Cody is a chick and a hot one at that. Anyways we see some fat guy with a signed tattooed on his forehead. Since I'm being lazy at the moment and don't want to google the word we'll just call it a very bad sign. We see the fat man get murdered by Mike Brown. Show this panel to your kids and they'll definitely stay out of gangs. This issue ends with gang members from fat mans gang showing up to find Mike Brown with two girls. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise um confusing maybe they'll explain more in the second issue. I give this issue a 8 out of 10. Remember kids don't join gsngs and put bad signs on your forehead or you'll become fat and get murdered.

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Review: Doomed #3

This issue opens up to three years ago with a shooting at the metropolis museum of history. Sorry kids can't go to the museum today looks like there's a shooting going down. Next we see Roman kiss his bleeding boyfriend and tell him that he loves him. Roman finds a belt I think that he uses to help stop the bleeding but ends up turning him into the alpha centurion. I'm guessing him and the monster Reiser turn into are gonna duke it out at some point. Next we see Reiser walking his aunts dog. Oh good the dog isn't dead. Anyways next we see Reiser talk to Jayne about what he did in the cleaning room. Well she took that surprisingly well... and now she's back to being stuck up. I hate when girls act all stuck up. Hey where'd the dog go? If you ask me it seems like Reiser purposely doesn't keep a close eye on that dog just so it can get lost or die. Oh hey that geeky kid from the last issue is holding it. I bet that's the only action he's gotten in weeks. Reiser and extreme geek fight. Boo this is like watching those fights where the girls just slap each other real hard and whine the whole time. This issue ends with Wonder Girl, Power Girl and Flash boy coming to star labs. Artwork was ok. Story wise boo. I give this issue a 5 out of 10. I think I'm gonna sleep now. Yep this series literally makes me tired just reading an issue.

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Review: Supernatural Season 11 Episode 2 ( Form And Void )

This episode opens up with Sam catching himself a person who's been infected. If you ask me all these people with the black viens just look like they smoke a lot so it shows. Next we see Dean bring Amara and Jenna to her grandmas house. Something tells me that Amara being there isn't a good idea. Next we see Cas getting tortured by angels. If angels are really like this then I'm gonna have to start making sure I'm a good mormon boy so this doesn't happen to me. Anyways next we Sam give his infected pet some pudding so he'll give him some answers. Wait that works on people now I'm gonna have to start giving people chocolate pudding when I need answers. We see Hanna come and save Cas then let them tortur him again. Note to self start reading scriptures so this doesn't happen to me. Next we see Dean go back to Jennas and meet father Crowley. So basically he's a fake exorcist like the reverend in outcast and like Bob Larsson. Wait why'd Jenna cut her grandmas throat? I mean she's still pretty even when she's murderous. Note to self avoid a woman when she has a knife.  Oh hey look Amaras turned into a little girl now. Sam ends up finding a cure for the people infected with extreme smokers disease. This episode ends with Crowley pulling up in a black van and asking Amara if she wants some candy. This episode way pretty good. I give this episode a 10 out of 10. Remember as long the van isn't white it's ok to go in and get the candy that the creepy looking man offers to you.

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Review: Deathstroke #6

This issue opens up with Harley Quinn telling Deathstroke how her socks are ruined and how it's a good thing the bike they're riding isn't hers or he'd be paying out the ass. Note to self never ruin womens socks or I'll be paying out the ass. Next we see Deathstroke and Harley find Possums torn body... he's dead right? Oh come on that's not fair how can he still be alive when he's torn apart? Note to self avoid anyone with healing powers. We see Possums head chocking Harley and his bottom and top half fighting Deathstroke. I'd say chop him up even more but then they'd probably have a ton of body pieces fighting them if they did that. Harley ends up kicking Possums head towards Deathstroke wich lands on top of his metal pole. I have no clue what it's called but hey it has the ability to shock Possums head so that's a good thing. Next we see Lady Shiva wanting to kill Rose. Wait what the heck is happening to Jericho? He's killing himself with his powers. That's a new one I think. Oh look at that Odysseus your sky craft just got blown up by Harley Quinn. Next we see Rose and Lady Shiva fight, Deathstroke and Odysseus fight, and Harley Quinn fight the leftover men. Odysseus ends up knocking or breaking Deathstrokes mask of and making him bleed. Harley Quinn shoots Lady Shiva in the ass saving Rose Wilsons life. Deathstroke ends up killing Odysseus. At least I think he did I mean he already killed him and Possum yet they both came back. This issue ends with Letter F coming back and making Deathstroke and offer. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise great ending to the first arc can't wait to read the next one. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. This issue is rated R cause it was pretty violent. This issue is also brought to you by the letter F for fucking hell this was a fucking awesome issue :).

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Review: The Amazing Spider-Man Renew Your Vows #2

This issue opens up with Peter Parker having a nightmare. Show this panel to your kids and they'll be afraid of Venom forever. Next we Peter and Mary go to Annies room to find her asleep on the ceiling. I highly doubt that's comfortable. Next we see Mary Jane take Annie to school and tell her not to use her powers. I feel like something bad is gonna happen while she's at school. Next we see Peter Parker taking pictures of some fight. I'd break his camera if I saw this I mean normally when someone yells for help you don't just take pictures of them getting the crap beat out of them. Regent learns that there's a school with powered kids in it. See knew something bad would happen. We see Peter Parker running towards his daughters school. Something tells me this isn't going to end well fot him now that he started using his powers again. Next we see some kids fighting Rino, Beetle and some ogher guy. Oh hey look Spider-Man's back. Oh heck ya beat the crap out of them Spider-Man. Wish I had some popcorn right now. This issue ends with Mary Jane giving Peter Parker his old black Spider-Man costume. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 9 out of 10.  Hey some old ladies getting robbed so I'm gonna grab my camera and take pictures of it happening.

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Review: Batman Beyond #2

This issue opens up with Barbara, Max and Tim running from robots. I think everyone in the world should make a mental note to never invent robots cause it's obvious robots if made will kill all the humans. Actually probably not I mean you watch terminator and irobot and it seems like the mechanics are still stupid in some way and don't kill all the humans leading to them being destroyed by the leftover humans. Anyways Max ends up getting taken and gets processed. Ya I definitely wouldn't want to be processed I mean did you see the smiles the people had. If you ever see someone smiling in a horrible situation then you know somethings wrong cause no human can be that happy and smile that much unless they're crazy. Next we see Barbara and Tim go underground. Something tells me that won't end well. Yep see they're already getting attacked by evil cyborg and inque. Note to self avoid any girls with the name inque. Oh hell ya Tim just got his suit back online by using cyborg to power it up. Dam looks like he's taking a beating. This issue ends with Tim getting captured by brother eyes creepy smiling max, inque and cyborg. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good definitely reminds me of the old cartoon they had of Batman Beyond. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. For a computer brother eye seems kinda slow. Replacing I for eye doesn't make you sound smart when you say eye have seen everything. Just makes you sound dumb even if you are an all powerful virus robot thing.

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Review: Midnighter #5

This issue opens up with Matt running with some old men and getting lapped by them. Wait how'd he get lapped by all of them I mean he's not fat and looks like he's in shape so how'd that even happen? Next we see Midnighter fighting while he's talking to Matt on the phone. All I think when Midnighter does that is show off. Next we see Noi Akayevich make food for him and his booty call I think. I mean heck he slept with her and then just left. Next we see Grayson and Midnighter go down in a subway tunnel. Wait why is Midnighter cuffing himself to Grayson? Yo Midnighter no time to take advantage of Grayson and do the naughty with him get to work and kill some monsters. Oh hey look him being cuffed to Grayson helped him kill a one eyed wolf... I think not exactly sure what it is. Anyways Grayson and Midnighter come face to face with Noi Akayevich and get shot through the roof. Plan failed I guess. Oh heck ya Midnighter just teloported and kicked Noi Akayevich in the side of the face. Next we see Midnighter throw a shard of glass that Grayson breaks causing it to shatter and go in Noi Akayevichs back paralyzing him. This issue ends with Matt and Midnighter having thanksgiving dinner. I wonder who's up in the chopper with the sight aimed at Matt and Midnighter. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I wonder how many kinky people are gonna read this issue and cuff themselves to their partner after reading that part where Midnighter cuffed himself to Grayson.

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Review: Silk #5

This issue opens up with Black Cat kidnapping the dragons daughter. I mean the losers daughter. Hey don't give me that look it's true cause he loses a lot. Next we see Cindy at work still trying to find leads on her family. Mr. Jameson ask her what she's looking at and tells her that they don't pay her to facebook people. I'm sure a lot of people facebook during work weather their work pays them or not. Cindy tells Mr. Jameson that it's her family and that they're missing so she's looking for them. Wait he's actually gonna help her? But I thought he was just one of those bosses that's a jerk and doesn't care about peoples names or feelings. Next we see the loser attack Silk. See told you he's a loser she just kicked his butt. After Silk kicks his butt again. Rage zero Silk three. Anyways after he tells her that Black Cat took his daughter Silk agrees to help. Next we see Silk, Loser and Spider-Man on top of a roof. Spider-Man and Silk get in a fight about how he's worked with bad guys before. It's true he and a whole bunch of heros wotked with Doc Ock in spider verse. Um guys might want to help Loser he just went in alone and knowing how many times he's lost he'll definitely lose this fight. See he got cut and isn't able to fight. Silk saves his daughter and gets in a fight with Black Cat. This issue ends with the repairman straping Silk to a gurney. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Note to self avoid chicks who call themselves Black Cat.

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Review: Spider Island #1

This issue opens up with Vision and Venom getting supplies from roxxon research facility. Um roxxon are bad people I know this from reading Deadpool. Next we see a bunch of people that have been turned into spiders. Show this panel to your kids and they won't want to be Spider-Man anymore. Wait why is one of those spider people turing into a wolf? He's helping Venom and Vision you say guess that makes sense. Wolf man tells Venom about a cure at horizon labs. It's definitely a trap Venom. Next we see how Captain America turned into one of the spider people. Now your kids won't want to be captain america either. Next we see Venom, Vision, Spider-Woman and some other men attack horizon labs and look for the cure. Next we see Captain Marvel and Spider-Hulk ambush our heros and tell them it's a trap well d- hey Venom you stole my line jerk. This issue ends with Spider-Iron man and other spider people coming to fight them. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good though it'll definitely scare your kids and make them want to be a different superhero. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Note to self kill every spider I see even if it's not harmful.

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Review: Darth Vader #2

This issue opens up with a ship being shot at by pirates. No not pirates on ships that sail the sea and drink lots of rum. Space pirates. Next we see Lord Vader take out the engine core. Note to self never get on his bad side like ever. Next we see Tagge give Lord Vader a watch dog. Um Tagge I don't think he likes that I think you just singed oon-ais death sentence. Hey oon-ai word of advice probably shouldn't read Vaders private message or follow him everywhere pisses him off if you haven't noticed. Next we see Lord Vader, some clones, a droid and oon-ai go to the pirates base. Hell ya Vader two pirates zero. Next we see Lord Vader get back on board Tagges ship and reveal that oon-ai was the traitor. If you ask me it seems like oon-ai got on his nerves so he killed him and made a lie saying he was the traitor. This issue ends Vader sending a droid out in space and blowing it up. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. So does the emperor not have therapist for his men? Cause it seems like a lot of them probably need one.

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Review: Justice League Gods And Monsters #1 ( Batman )

This issue opens up with a drunk man yelling at his wife and hitting her. Definitely not gonna be your average superhero book. Next we see Batman kill him and the mans wife try to kill Batman. Really why? Guess he should have let him keep hitting you or worse like he had planned. We find out that this Batman is a vampire. As if his fangs and him drinking someones blood didn't give you that clue already. We also find out his real name is Kirk Langstrom and that his parents live in Alaska or somewhere cold and aren't rich. We also learn that his dad hates him for going to gotham and following his dreams. I hate when parents do that. I mean heck there supposed to tell you to go forward with your dreams. Sadly I've had my parents tell me my dreams will get me nowhere so I understand how Kirk feels. Anyways Kirk meets his first girlfriend back in his old hometown and throws her husband out the cafe window. I would've done the same thing after how the guy treated him. Next we see Kirk find a ski mask and use that to hide his identity while he kills everyone who commits crimes.  Dude don't kill them all. I don't think it'll be good to kill them all cause then you'd have to steal blood or kill inocent people to stop the hunger. Anyways we meet Lew Moxon a crime lord who... wait did he make a guy shoot himself by telling him what a failure he was or was that some kind of power? Batman ends up killing Lew and all his men. Kirk ends up becoming friends with Jeremy Lews son and works with him to find a cure. I have the feeling that might come to bite Kirk in the ass at some point. Next we see Jeremys mother die and Batman kill more bad guys to try and figure out who's after Jeremy. Hold on is one of Lews men really getting up out of his grave. Run the dead have risen! After Batman kills Joe Chill he tells Jeremy that he knows that he was the crime boss trying to take his fathers place. See knew him becoming friends with Jeremy would bite him in the ass. This issue ends with Batman killing Jeremy. Artwork was good. Story wise pretty good. Definitely an interesting take on Batman. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Remember if you try and cure yourself of cancer and turn yourself into a vampire just drink the blood of animals I mean unless you want to become a murderous vampire then go ahead and kill a ton of people.

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Review: Supernatural Season 11 Episode 1 ( Out Of The Darkness, Into The Fire)

This episode opens with Dean in a filed with a woman while the darkness surrounds them. Um you guys sure it's safe to be out in the middle of that? Next we see Sam wake up in the car with no Dean. Is it me or does it seem like these two get separated a lot. Sam ends up finding Dean lying in the filed. Dean no time to stop and smell the flowers you and Sam gotta go save some people. We see Cas still with the dog spell in someones barn. We see him remember how he killed Crowley. Oh really Crowleys not dead. Longest living villain award goes to Crowley. Sam and Dean end up finding some dead bodies and a cop. Well she's pretty I hope we get to see more of her this season. Dean and Sam take her to a hospital to stich up her wound. While at the hospital Sam finds a guy with his baby daughter in a janitors closet. Next some people infected with the darkness show up at the hospital. Hell yes lets see some killing. *stuffs face with popcorn*. Sam ends up staying behind so Dean and the pretty cop can escape. That's not good Sam just got infected. This episode ends with Us finding out where the darkness is. This episode was great definitely has a dark feel to it. I give this episode a 10 out of 10. Remember if you're a demon stuck in a womans body and her husband and friends have a big orgy kill them after the orgy.

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Review: Colder #1 ( Toss The Bones )

This issue opens up with a man sitting on a bench eating a sandwich. Great now I'm hungry for a subway sandwich. Next we see Nimble Jack come up and talk to the man. The man ask if his ex wife Judith sent him. Geez kinda sounds like a friend I have. I took a ride home with her so I could make it to work in the morning and he stayed behind flipping out saying that I was going to her place to bang her and fall in love with her. See how that guy sorta sounds like him. Nimble Jack starts blurting David Brissons life story out of nowhere. You cheated on your wife. Well no wonder she took everything from you you deserve it. Nimble Jack leaves and all the pigeons start telling David people and things he should fear. Dude just eat your yummy sandwich and ignore the pigeons. Next we see Reece and Declan in a grocery store then we see them in a restaurant I'm guessing where a pigeon gets in without any windows or doors bring open. Really guys you have to ask how it got in there after you guys went through mirrors, saw a guy obsessed with fingers and talking rats that have the same name as you. Really?  Next we see Nimble Jack making people go crazy by asking them questions and putting pigeons in their head, he also throws a guy right in front of a bus killing him and taking peoples energy or something I don't know. All I know is there were lots of colors and bright lights like you'd see if you went to a rave party. Next we see Reece and Declan at another grocery store getting cheese and other stuff there cause it's cheaper. Reece, Declan have you guys ever heard of Walmart? No. Well Walmart price matches other prices from other stores so start going there then you don't have to make two trips. Next we see Nimble Jack in a room with a teenage girl. Ok when he gets her attention how does she not just scream for her parents. I mean heck he could be a murder or rapist. Do her parents fight so much that they never taught about all the bad stuff in the world? This issue ends with Nimble Jack ringing Reece and Declans apartment doorbell. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good definitely enjoyed reading it. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I feel like the only people who would enjoy this series are crazy people... wait does that mean I'm one of them?

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Review: Deathstroke #5

This issue opens up Batman asking Deathstroke why he's in gotham. I agree with Harley Quinn Batman it's not like he's gonna just confess everything like they do in the movies. Next we see Batman and Deathstroke fight. I wonder who's gonna win this fight. I hope Deathstroke does but then he'd kill Batman. Well looks like Batman is beating the crap out of Deathstroke. Well actually Deathstroke is letting him but still he's getting the crap beat out of him. Finally Deathstroke is getting some blows in. And now Batman is back to beating the crap out out of him. Man this fight is getting intense so I think I'm gonna go make some popcorn. Ok guys back from making popcorn. Looks like Batman and Deathstroke are still fighting. Next we see Deathstroke tell Batman that he's looking for his son and that Batman is in his way so if anything happens to his son he'll hold Batman responsible which distracts Batman giving Deathstroke the chance to slam him into a wall. Wait why is Batman smiling. I'm guessing that's not a good thing Deathstroke you might want to- well Batman hit him pretty hard before I could finish my sentence. Next we see Harley jump out one of the buildings windows while some presents tic. Next we see the building blow up and Harley search the ruble for Deathstroke. Next we see Rose Wilson and Jericho meet with Possum. Um Rose you shouldn't trust him he's not a good guy. Possum uses some sound from his phone to put Jericho down for a bit. This issue ends with Odysseus holding Possums head. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good can't wait to see how this arc ends. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. So now that Possums head severed from his body that means he's really dead and won't come back right?

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Review: Star Wars Shattered Empire #2

This issue opens up with Captain Duvat getting a message from the emperor. Well not the emperor himself but someone in a weird red looking suit. The emperor or video of the emperor tells him to start up operation cinder. Dude that could he any old many saying that. Next we see a space ship fight which the rebels win again. Can't we see one fight that they lose. I mean come on find better bad guys with accurate aim so you won't always lose. Next we see Shara get assigned to be princes leias escort. I have to say even in comic form she still looks hot even without that outfit she had on in the last movie with Jabba. Next we get to see boring diplomatic talk... huh what the issue ended already sorry that last part bored me to sleep. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise um. Ya um... yawn. I give this issue a 6 out of 10. I think the comic shop I go to added this series to my hold so if I get more issues hopefully it'll get better or you'll see short boring reviews like this after I read an issue of this series.

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Review: Darth Vader #1

This issue opens up with Darth Vader going to the planet that Jabba the hutt is on and killing two of his gaurds. Hmm I wonder what Jabba did to piss him off. Next we see Vader and Jabba talking about a deal. We also see more of Jabbas men die as they try to attack Vader. After hearing that he killed two gaurds I think I'd stay away from him but these idiots seem to think they can take him. Jabba ends up acepting Vaders deal. Next we see Vader and the emperor talking. Is it more or does it seem like the dark side has a lot of angry people. Join the dark side and you can rule the world. Also you'll always be angry and get bitched at like the emperor is doing to Vader. Dude Vader he's older then you all you'd have to do is use the force and snap his neck if that's possible. Plus I've seen the movie where you kill him so I think it'd be pretty easy for you to kill him right her and now. The emperor gives Vader an assignment to go to tatooine. His home planet huh. Going there would probably make him more angry since I'm sure a lot of the memories are painful and make him angry. Next we see Vader talk to two bounty hunters one he wants to capture Luke Skywalker alive and he wants the other to spy on some guy who met with the emperor in secret. You getting jelous Vader. Also I get the feeling that guy is gonna be bad news for Vader. This issue ends with Vader standing by burning buildings and a bunch of dead bodies. Yep definitely make him angry going there. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10.  Well after reading this issue I'm angry so I'm gonna go punch someone in the face for no reason and walk off like nothing happened.

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Review: Midnighter #4

This issue opens up with some drunk guys riding in a taxi. If they start singing friday or saturday then I'm closing the comic. We see the drunk idiots go to a hotel and into a secret room where a vampire is chained up. One of the drunk guys stakes the vampire as it pleas for help. How are you a hero? It's not like it was out attacking people. Plus it was chained up and pleaing for it's life and normally things or people who plea for their life aren't gonna do killings anytime soon. Next we see Dick Grayson and Midnighter at a restaurant talking about Batman and eating. I'd like to see and issue of Midnighter where it's just Midnighter and Batman fighting. Not the new Batman though cause I doubt he's as awesome as the old Batman. Next we see Grayson and Midnighter go into a sona where the drunk idiots sre and beat the shit out of them. See definitely not heros. Next we see Grayson and Midnighter go into the hotel that the drunk idiots went into and kick a ton of ass. The real vampire or sorta vampire poldidorin faces off against Midnighter and gets his head split in half from Midnighters hand. Well dam this guys good. Note to self if I ever get in a fight in the future mske sure I have someone like Midnighter on my side. This issue ends with us meeting noi akayevich who has a really bad plan in mind. *stuffs face with popcorn* this is getting intense. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good has me waiting to read the next issue. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I have a feeling the next three issues are gonna be pretty action packed and that things are gonna get worse for Midnighter.

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Review: Starfire #1

This issue opens up with Starfire telling a sheriff her life story. We find out that Starfires name is koriand'r and she has an older sister named Komand'r who became the new ruler where her parents died in an attack from another ailen race. That's gotta suck. Komand'r surrenders so her people can live. The aliens who won turned Kori into a slave. Note to self never join a bunch of people who just want peace or we'll lose if we ever get in a fight with someone who doesn't want peace. Anyways we learn that Kori made friends with the other slaves and started a revolt that got her off that planet thus bringing her to ours after she got a ship and escaped. Well that was definitely a long introduction. Feel like I just read the first chapter of a book. Next Kori shows sheriff gomez that she can fly... wait is she really that open about everything she can do? I mean superman is an ailen and superhero yet he doesn't fly himself to work. Next we see Kori and the sheriff go to a jewelry store where Kori gets three big ones for some of the jewls she has. No not three big elephants Kori. Also if you tried to put three big elephants where your pockets are your pants wouldn't stay on for long and some guys would get a nice show. Next we see Kori and the sheriff go to a bar. Would acohal have the same affect on aliens as it does on humans? That's all I could think of when I read these panels. We see to guys get in a fight over Kori which causes her to use her starbolt. I'm guessing that's what it was. Also I'd still let her stay at my place rent free after that. What can I say I like tough women... stop staring at me like that. Next we see Kori buy some new clothes which causes the sheriff to flip out cause they're not pants. Hey I agree with the clothes guy it'd be a sin to hide legs like that. Hey at least I'm not staring at her jugs like most the geeks have done while reading this issue. Next we see Kori and the sheriff go to some old ladys house that's letting Kori stay in a trailer. If I seen any sign of hillbillies or rednecks in the next few issues I'll flip a bitch. Anyways we see Kori making out with Boone the old ladys grandson I'm guessing. Wait how is him kissing her saying he's always horny? It's not like he was groping her breast while they made out or had his fingers in a certain area. Next we see Kori take a shower and give Boone a surprise after she's done. See he's not horny he went and got her another towel to cover up her jugs and other stuff. This issue ends with the power going out and Kori going outside and yelling x'hal. Who's x'hal? Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good definitely a fun read. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I wonder how many geeks cried that they didn't get to see Kori naked in the shower.

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Review: Brandi Bare #2

This issue opens up where we left off with Dylan running across the school yard naked. I'm taking a guess that a lot of perverts buy this series or geeks who don't get any. And no I'm in neither of those categories. Anyways Dylan sneaks all the way through campus without being seen till she gets to her room where Alice is playing a dungeon board game with some boys. Next we see Brandi wake up and take a shower. Also I think the writer and artists are trying to lure guys in with the covers and pages like this. Oh look at that Brandis in the wrong bathroom. Brandi gets a surprise when she turns around to see Todd. My mormon friend would probably tell me that me reading these books is a sin and that I'll burn in hell for it. To that I say oh well. Anyways we see Dylan go back to the old ladys shop and gets a necklace totem that looks like the devil. Dylan remember last time. Definitely wouldn't take that totem if I were you. We see Dylan in her room with Alice and the totem trying to figure out what the words say. Um hello your in a room with a geek ask her I'm sure she knows what it says. Dylan decides not to use the totem and leaves it in the room with Alice. Bad idea. Next we see Dylan yelling at Xian, Brandi and Rosie when they all hear a loud boom. Let me guess Alice got the totem to work. Yep knew she'd figure it out and something bad would happen. Do all the magical items in the old ladys shop have to be a bit or way revealing or is that just the writer and artists making sure all the guys read this series just to see a half naked girl shower, a naked girl streak and a giant blue monster with little clothing. Anyways Brandi and her friends end up getting the totem off Alices neck. This issue ends with all four girls showering together. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good and weird. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Well now I'm gonna post this on a comic shops facebook page that I go to to get all the guys to read this series. Kidding... not.

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Review: Red Hood Arsenal #1

This issue opens up with Arsenal also known as Roy Harper out in the desert alone monologing to himself. I thought only Silk, Spider-Man, and Spider-Gwen did that? Anyways next we see some cars pull up and a chick with long black hair steps out of one. She looks like she'd be a tom boy which means she'd be rough in bed. Also her name is really Tara Battleworth... what kind of last name is that but it also proves my point that she'd be rough in bed. Anyways next we see Arsenal send her a picture of himself asking her to pick up... is he stalking her now? Also is he that good with tech that he was able to hack other computers and phones just to get her phone number. Seems kinda desperate if you ask me. Tara answers and ask him what he wants which he tells her he's there to help and that her deal with the senator and the cartel is gonna end #badly. Really does dc comics really think people are gonna take like that in the future. Actually scratch that some people already do and iy bugs the heck out of me. Next we see one of the guys from the cartel I'm guessing grab the senator and hold him hostage. Bad idea buddy not gonna end well. See Arsenal just shot an arrow at one of your cars which is gonna blow up in a few seconds cause it's an arrow bomb. Next we see the arrow bomb blow up causing the car to blow up to. See told you. Next we see Arsenal kick ass and even kill a guy... really.  Not that that's bad but I thought him and green arrow didn't kill people anymore. One of the cartel guys shoots the senator and holds Tara hostage. And here I thought Arsenal would have taken them alll down without the senator getting shot guess he's not as awesome as green arrow. Wait how is the senator still alive. Dam he just killed that guy and saved Tara. Next we see that the senator was actually red hood disguised as the senator. He seems way better at this stuff then Arsenal I'll give him that. This issue ends with Arsenal and Red Hood fighting people on the eiffel tower. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good lots of action. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I so wish I had Red Hoods tech.

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Review: The Amazing Spider-Man Renew Your Vows #1

This issue opens up with Peter Parker at home with his wife Mary Jane and his daughter Annie. We see him refilling his webs. He does that stuff in front of his daughter... is that a good idea. See she's already saying bad guys and spidey. Mary Jane tells Peter thst he needs to spend more time with his family and that the only time he changed his daughters dipper was when he made one out of webbs.. is that even good for a baby? Plus wouldn't the shit and piss just leak through it. Next we see Peter Parker go to the daily bugle with pictures of Spider-Man beating every other superheroes villans. I'm guessing the others are on vacation ot have just given up being superheros. Next we see Spider-Man go to the avengers mansion. They have a mansion now? Is that such a good idea? Anyways we learn that most the superheros are being killed off by some big company that experiments on superheroes or they've gone missing. Well if that wouldn't make you want to quit I don't know what will. We learn that the prison holding Venom just had a big break out which the avengers don't care to handle. Well at least Spider-Man would take care of them. Is it me or does it seem like the avengers just gave all the civilians the middle finger to save their own kind. We see Spider-Man go home to save his wife and kid from Venom. Looks like Venoms getting his ass kicked. Next we see the avengers fighting Regent a overpowered villain. Finally someone made a villain that doesn't get his ass kicked. We see the hulk fight Regent and get his arm torn off. Dam that was awesome. *stuffs face with more popcorn*. Next we see Spider-Man fight Venom in a burning building. Mary Jane ask one of the firmen if anyone else is in the building and they tell her that it’s just Spider-Man and Venom. Mary Jane tells Spider-Man that it's just him and Venom which- wait is he grabbing a pull that's keeping the building up? Next we see Spider-Man standing next to the collapsed burning building with his wife and daughter. We also see the pole that Spider-Man tore out the building on Venoms lifeless hand. Wait did he just kill Venom? I don't blame him I would have done the same thing if it were my family. This issue ends with Peter Parker walking his daughter across the street as the vulture steals some ladys purse. Um Peter aren't you gonna get your Spider-Man suit out and stop him? Hey don't walk away when someones getting robbed and I ask a question. Get back here and do something! Artwork was pretty good. Story wise seemed like this book is about superheroes giving up. I give this issue a 7 out of 10. Remember if you're a superhero don't just give up if you're gonna worry about your own kind and not help people when a lot of prisoners break out.

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Review: Batman Beyond #1

This issue opens up with a gang of jokers attacking a bulding that protects gotham from brother eye well something in that building protects gotham. Also brother eye kinda sounds like a religious group. Anyways the gang of jokers get the the place where a cube is called the veil. Wait if the gaurds are dead how does their dna still work for all the security stuff. People might want to fix that shit in the future so stuff like this doesn't happen. Anyways they start a protal call when they take the cube out. Oh hey look Batman has come to save the day. Wait that's not Batman it's Batman Beyond. Anyways he takes out the gang of jokers and puts the cube back where it was so brother eye doesn't find gotham. Next we see Tim Drake go to some woman called Nora Boxer. Who's Nora Boxer? I never read the weekly series so I have no clue who she is. Guess I'll look her up online after I write this review. Nora tells Tim about a place called the lodge that holds prisoners and has some of Terrys friends. It sounds comfy if you don't know what the place is but after Tim hearing what it is why would he want to go there? I mean I wouldn't which is why I wouldn't be a very good superhero. Next we see Tim go to the lodge and scout out the place. You might want to move around instead of staying in one place Tim. Cause normally you'll get caught if you stay in one place while you scout out a dangerous place. See robot superman is already attacking you. Tim shocks Robot superman sending him flying and making some of his functions fail. Superman zero Batman Beyond one. Next we see alfred and Tims suit go offline. I have a feeling that brother eye is gonna infect alfred with a virus that'll do something to Tims suit and also help him find gotham when Tim goes back there. This issue ends with Tim going in the lodge and coming face to face with someone. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good definitely will keep reading. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. I'd totally be part of that joker gang in the future. Not cause I'm the villan type but because clowns are awesome and I'd totally be up for being a clown with a bunch of other clowns.

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Review: Doomed #2

This issue opens up with a gym class scene. Oh no having flashbacks to my days in school. Anyways we see the typical every kid gets picked and the only left is the worst player or geek. Though I agree with all the kids I wouldn't want him on my team either. Wait is the coach really making fun of him and telling all the kids not to make his nose bleed much? Dude that's not right. I'm sure glad I never had teachers like that. Next we see the geek pull out some gun and kill the coach who was an alien. Ya even after that I still wouldn't want him on my team. Next we see sunburn guy climbing up through the sewers and saying his skin or blood feels like it's on fire. Well maybe next time you won't stay in the tanning bed so long. Anyways a bus hits his head and goes flying. This definitely will not make him look like a good guy. We see sunburn guy save a chick from the bus but also kick it so hard that it goes flying. Hey quit causing damage you idiot. Next we see the lady wake up and some police come and tell him to stay away from the women and one of the cops says that could be confusing... um how? Anyways sunburn guy raises his hands and disappears in a bright purple light. I take it he's trying to a magician now with that dissappearing act. Next we see Reiser turn back into a human and go back to his apartment. This issue ends with the two cops from earlier finding the geek down in the subway tunnel from issue one and telling him to step into the light causing the same cop to say how that'd be confusing. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise um weird. I give this issue a 6 out of 10. So what is it with those scenes with the cops? Cause if they think those panels are funny they're not.

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Review: Silk #4

This issue opens up with Silk fighting Galactus well Dr. Richards playing Galactus. Wait who's Galactus? I'm fairly new to marvel so I don't know who he is. Isn't he the guy who devours worlds? Never mind I'll look him up later after I write this review. Anyways Silk ends up kicking his ass in the virtual game or whatever which shows him that she's fast. Dr. Richards ask Silk how long she was in the bunker for. This question makes her mad since Peter told him. I have a feeling Peters gonna get hurt for telling him. Dr. Richards tells Silk that she might have anxiety and that she should see a therapist he knows to get a second opinion. Next we see Peter and Johnny Storm talking about Silk. Oh hey look there she is and there's her fist connecting with Peters face. Note to self if a girl tells me something personal that she doesn't want other people to know don't tell people or I'll end up getting hit in the face. Anyways we see Johnny ask Silk on a date and she says yes. Note to self when interested in a girl just ask her out. Next we see Cindy at the bar I'm guessing with her friends dancing. See Dr. Richards she doesn't have anxiety cause people with anxiety can't dance. At least it's true for me cause I know when I get anxious I don't want to randomly dance. Next we see a flashback of Cindy when she was younger and she had problems controlling her powers. I probably would have thought a giant spider came into her room and tried to eat her with how many webs there were either that or she rearly cleaned her room and had a ton of spiders in it. We see Johnny and Cindy go on a date where they're not even talking. This just got akward excuse me while I stepp out of the room till things get less akward. Johnny and Cindy jump of the balcony of the place. Did you guys make sure people weren't watching. Cause if I'd seen that I would have got everyones attention and been like hey those to just committed suicide. Also did they order food then ditch before the food got there? If so I'm sure the people who brought their food probably go pissed since they'd just cooked them a nice meal. This issue ends with Black Cat getting a surprise at the repairman's house. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty good. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. They should have picked a better name for the repairman cause now that I think of it it kinda sounds like a porn name. Or like a porn vido is gonna start when he pops up.

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Review: Doomed #1

This issue opens up with the main character lying on concrete with that looks damaged. Wait why does our main character look like he's been out in the sun for a long time? Was he in a tanning bed before this. Anyways we see our main character Reiser before he looked like a red hot chili pepper, before he became a walking red apple, a walking talking tamato. We see that he interns at s.t.a.r labs. Hey Barry Allen hangs out there in the flash tv series. We also see that his aunt thinks her dog needs braces. Wait is that really a thing? Now I'm gonna have to look that up online. We see that him and some prepey looking girl get the worst jobs an intern can have. Has as sunburn guy says everyone starts somewhere before they become great or sometimes fail. Next we see Reiser at his aunt place and we see that her dog doesn't like our main character very much and his doesn't like him either. Reiser pulls out a tennis ball for the dog and throws it out the window without even looking causing the dog to die... wait did the dog just die. Boo dc don't kill off animals not funny at all. Anyways Reiser and prepey girl clean a cleaning room actually more like he does and she just watches. See what I mean when she's prepey. She's probably got a rich family to which is how she probably got the internship. Next we see Reiser go to some apartment with a girl who seems like she's just trying to get in his pants so she can use him. See she's already showering and telling him to come in there and talk to her. This issue ends with Reiser getting sunburnt and falling through the building. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise not sure I'm feeling it especially the dog part but I'll continue to read the series till it ends cause I hear it ends soon. I give this issue a 6 out of 10. Remember if you have a tennis ball for a dog don't throw it out the window or the dog will follow it and probably get killed.

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Review: The New 52 Futures End ( Harley Quinn #1 )

This issue opens up with Harley Quinn in a crate. I bet some of the fanboys at this part thought hey ship her to my house and if you can't ship her to my house ship a blow up doll that looks just like her. Oh also make sure my parents don't know what it is. Some of the fanboys would deny this but they'd definitely be lying. Anyways we see Harley Quinn in the back of a plane feeding dogs some of her bacon. Aww how cute. See this is one reason why I love Harley Quinn cause she's an animal lover. Next the plane crashes and Harley Quinn wakes up on a deserted island. Well normally good things don't happen on deserted islands so we can all assume that something bad will happen. See already she lost her beaver... hey not that beaver you pervert the robot one that talks to her. Anyways Harley Quinn finds a soccer ball and draws a face on it and thinks of naming it wilson. Some guy I work with made a tape ball and named it wilson. Harley ends up finding her beaver and putting him around her neck. Next Harley meets the natives of the island who think she's a goddess. Ya she is. Harley ends up having them entertain her by having them get oiled up and fight. So basically wrestling. I take that back it's a fight to the death now that they threw knives in. The natives end up taking Harley up one hundred forty eight stairs just so she can meet their god king who is none other than Joker. Joker tells Harley Quinn what he did on the island and that they are to get married that night. No don't marry him it won't end well trust me I know cause I've already read this and seen into your futures end. Next we see Harley in a dress with a bunch of animals singing and helping her. Dang it was only a dream. Next we see Harley and Joker at the mouth of mount mukaka where the precher or ceremony guy says they both have to jump in the volcano after he finish the ceremony. See told you it doesn't end well. Also I knew her being on a deserted island wouldn't end well. She should have ran when she had the chance. The volcano ends up falling apart or erupting and sends Harley Quinn towards some palm trees. That looks painful but hey she's alive. This issue ends with a mysterious man coming to save Harley Quinn. Artwork was great. Story wise pretty good and cute. I give this issue a 10 out of 10. Harley Quinn looked beautiful in both dresses :).

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Review: Midnighter #3

This issue opens up right where we left off but from the villans prospective. We see Midnighter teloport to our villans while he's still on the phone talking to the chick we met in the last issue who tried to kill the people who run Windcrest. We find out that one of the villans is Multiplex. Hey I know him he was in the first or second episode of the flash except without that suit. Next we go back to before this moment and see him out at some bar I'm guessing with Jason and Matt... looks like to me like Matt is grinding on Jason and Midnighter doesn't seem to get angry. Next we see Midnighter go to some ladies house saying he'll find the people who took her daughter and make them pay while he gets her back. We see some old guy with something called the rohmer reactor with the little girl in it. Show this panel to your kid and they'll definitely avoid old people cause they'll think all of them are bad and want to take their life force from them so they can be young again. Midnighter jumps in. Actually right on top of some guy if I'm not mistaken and gets the little girl out and destroys the reactor. The little girl acts kinda afraid of him after that. Wait this little child is afraid of someone who's helping her. I mean ya he just crushed a guy but he flat out told you he was there to help. I'm guessing Amandas mother just lets her five or however year old she is just sit on the computer and not teach her right from wrong, evil and good. No wonder your daughter got kidnapped. Anyways we go back to where this issue started off but with a bunch of dead multiplex bodies. Dam. Note to self don't piss off badass superheros. Next we see Matt and Midnighter on top of a roof just just talking about the god garden and the gardener. I'm gonna take a guess that Matt is the big master mind who's giving out the stuff Midnighter is trying to get back. I mean heck he wasn't bothered by Midnighter coming home with a bunch of blood on him and hearing that he'd killed some guys. Any sane person would have run out of there. Get the point? This issue ends with Midnighter sneaking up on some guy. Artwork was pretty good. Story wise pretty bloddy but good. I give this issue a 9 out of 10. Remember don't trust old people cause if they get the chance they'll take your life force.

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