Depression

Ok so I'm Gona tell my life so when I was young my mom cut and had to go to a place to help her I blocked this out of my head cause it was hard for me I mean I didn't even know her till she came back I had to live at my gramparents I'm scared of water I almost drowned when I was little and kids would hold my head under water I can't look at myself in mirrors cause I feel like I should tear my heart out and die I feel like I'm evil I feel like I don't know who I am my grampa told me I'm mean and heartless so now I can't even look myself in the mirror my ex made it to were I sit alone at lunch so I black out and go In my own little world she's also telling lies about my famliy and trying 2 make ppl hate us were not bad were nice ppl call me demented maybe that's cause of what's went on in my life I used to play a game called original gangsters till ppl turned on me they said that I said I didn't belive in god when what I said was I belive in him I just haven't seen him in my life so these ppl threatened to beat me into there gang then they threatened to bash my skull in if I didnt start believing in god well gusse what I do I know other ppl have problems last night I blew up at one of them and they gave my phone number out so I told all of them 2 go die which one said she would I said sorry I was just mad should I have said sorry? Cause there still keeping it up they had ppl call and text me and messages telling me to die or that there Gona kill me the person that called me said u like cum in ur face I hear u like 2 get mad I hear u like dicks in ur mouth and ass lik it up suck it up I'm Gona kill u that's not right cause I'm not gay I have a girl who I love and always will I'd do anything for her I'd do anything to protect her and keep her safe. So really should I tell these ppl sorry or should I fight back? Anyways yes my life us hard but I'm not Gona die cause there is hope I know that life can get better so all u ppl and teens with depression life can get better don't give up cause if u chose to die ur weak and make the ppl happy that want u to die so stay strong and fight and babe I love you and will never leave u I'm ur gardiun angle I'll keep u safe always and forever <3